Not sure what category this should be under...
I'm a 17 year old violinist, on the edge of becoming a perfectionist. I've gotten to the point that I beat myself up inside for hitting notes out of tune, or making a stupid face while I play. It's not other people that phase me when I play; I phase myself.
I cherish when people trust me, and I'm terrified that, if I mess up, I'll lose that trust. It's gotten to the point that I'm messing up because I'm afraid of messing up.
My role model in life and music told me, "I know exactly what you mean; We're our worst critics". She's exactly right; I look over my whole performance, and can tell you every note I hit out of tune, every shift I missed, and every moment of passion I didn't fulfill. But, when I do this, I knock my confidence down and thus play worse than I did the last time. And then it repeats, looking at all the mistakes.
How can I stop this cycle?
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