Funny jokes with string instruments

January 16, 2011 at 04:32 AM ·

I work in a violin store and I came up with a funny joke today. I don't know if it's been said before but have you guys ever had funny strings-related jokes? Share some with us if you have any.
I came up with an interesting joke today that I hope will make you laugh. It's slightly inappropriado but that's what it makes more fun.

Why does it suck to have sex with a second violinist?
They don't want to leave first position.

...AHHHHHAhahahahah

Replies (22)

January 16, 2011 at 02:07 PM ·

That's really bad!

January 19, 2011 at 10:54 PM ·

 Heard from a professional violist at orchestra rehearsal this evening:

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off when you jump up and down on a trampoline.

January 20, 2011 at 12:11 AM ·

Sorry for those who already know that one...

How can you make two violinists play the same note together in unisson?

Shot one ; )

January 20, 2011 at 10:19 AM ·

What's the difference between a front desk viola player and a back desk player?

About half a bar?

January 20, 2011 at 12:55 PM ·

What's the best way to tune a banjo?

 

With an axe.

 

January 20, 2011 at 01:11 PM ·

Being a Second Violinist, I have tons of Viola jokes! Here's my favorite:

What's the difference between a crushed viola in the center of the road, and a squished skunk in the center of the road?

ans: There are skid marks in front of the skunk. :o)

January 20, 2011 at 05:22 PM ·

A popular guitarist and a violinist were sitting in a bar discussing which one was the better musician.
The guitarist said that people thronged to his concerts, bought his CDs, bought t-shirts with his picture, so he was obviously the better musician.
The violinist admitted his solo career was adequate, but didn't fill the halls; selling his CDs was a challenge, and no one wore his face on a t-shirt.
Since they were in a bar, things degenerated, and eventually turned into a bet. They decided to swap instruments for a year, learn the instrument, and meet back in a year. The loser would buy drinks.

Well, the year goes quickly. Exactly one year later, they meet in the same bar. First the guitarist proceeds to talk about how difficult it was to get the hang of the instrument, but he was able to master it. He proceeded to do a passable 'Humoresque'  from his Suzuki book to demonstrate his ability.

The violinist identified how difficult the guitar had been at first. Once he shaved down the frets a bit, he was able to get his vibrato working, but he still had some problems with some of the chords. It was a bit interesting getting used to playing without having to twist his wrist around, but once he got use to it, it was much better to shift. Not having to consider bow pressure, and using a pick was very easy to learn. But the most important thing of all, was when he went to buy replacement strings; he absolutely could not believe the best strings he could find were less than the cost of an E string for his violin.
Then he proceeded to launch into a solid rendition of 'All Along the Watchtower' by Hendrix.

The guitarist bought the drinks...

January 20, 2011 at 05:43 PM ·

What separates violists from the great apes?

The second violins.

January 20, 2011 at 07:11 PM ·

Lisa! That was hysterical and I'm going to steal it! Now I just have to translate it into French!

January 20, 2011 at 08:39 PM ·

The one I love from a post here a couple years back:

Q: Why is the viola bigger than the violin?

A: It's easier to use as a shield when the audience hurls tomatoes.

:)

January 20, 2011 at 08:40 PM ·

I didn't get most of the jokes @_@
What is with the banjo and the axe?
 

January 20, 2011 at 11:45 PM ·

I found those and laugh much.... (I have just put my favorite ones on here) There are much more on : http://suewidemark.com/violinjokes.htm  (nice website!) I'll remove them if it causes any right problems.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.

What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common?  
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

A man and his son were walking through a cemetery. The boy asked, "Daddy, do they bury two people in the same grave?"
The father said, "Two people? Let me look."
So the father took a look, and sure enough, the marker said, "Here lies a symphony conductor and a humble man."

They call a viola, a bratsche in Germany. Do you know how this came to be?
Because that's the sound it makes when you sit down on it.

January 21, 2011 at 01:06 AM ·

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

The rock guitarist plays three chords to an audience of thousands. 

January 21, 2011 at 01:13 PM ·

Anne-Marie,

I loved the Conductor joke! I have one for you:

What is the difference between a Conductor and God?

ans: God knows he's not a Conductor. :o)

January 21, 2011 at 04:28 PM ·

What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

January 21, 2011 at 04:38 PM ·

Oh, now that we are on other instruments:

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians, but can't read music and has no sense of timing or rhythm?

a drummer

January 21, 2011 at 04:52 PM ·

how many violinists does it take to eat a possum?   answer:  one to eat it, and one to watch for cars....

January 21, 2011 at 08:03 PM ·

Old fiddler dies and goes to heaven. St Peter at the entrance says "Welcome to Heaven I've got some good news and some bad news" "

 "OK whats the good news"

' God is forming a band and he wants you to play the fiddle."

"Wow, that's great. What's the bad news?"

"Well God's got a cousin and she sings."

 

January 22, 2011 at 05:41 AM ·

Eric, seems good but I didn't got that joke?  Can you explain?

My version:

"What's the bad new?"

"Jascha Heifetz will make you pass the audition and Toscanini will be the conductor"  


Do you think old fiddler has a chance?  Do you think there will be many people playing in this band? 

 

January 22, 2011 at 01:50 PM ·

I didn't get most of the jokes @_@
What is with the banjo and the axe?

The banjo sounds better, after you take an axe to it.

That said, I enjoy good banjo playing -- especially if the are dueling.  :-)

So to quote Foghorn Leghorn:  "That's a JOKE, son.  I say, I say a JOKE!"

January 22, 2011 at 06:56 PM ·

If you have to explain a joke it isn't going to work anyway-- at least with the person who doesnt think it's funny.

The God joke was told to me at my guitar shop by an old cowboy bringing in his Martin for a re- fret. I think you have to have played in a small band to think it's funny but I sure liked it.  I do tend to like jokes that are a bit "off".

Ok let's try this one.

A violist is complaining to a violinist that he never attracts the girls like the violinist does.The violinist Says." I'll tell you a trick that often works. Put a potato down you pants when you play."

Several weeks later they play together at a gig.The violist comes up to the violinist and whines " what a stupid idea, not only don't the girls want to talk to me, they head the other way when I come up to them". 

The violinist looks down at the other's pants and says, "you're supposed to put it in the front". 

January 22, 2011 at 08:02 PM ·

Lisa thanks for that joke haha... 

Eric, lol!!

I have a sooo funny one with pianists though it's not string instruments...

 

 

 

A guy in Siberia was freezing and went in a bar/pub to drink vodka thinking he would get warmer.

He was carrying a little wallet. 

In the bar, the barmen asked what he was carrying in the wallet.

The guy said that he would first take vodka and then show him what's in it.

After his vodka, the guy opened that wallet and a tiny 12 inch pianist came out along with a miniature piano.  He played so magnificiently...  The barmen though the little pianist could be the best pianist in Russia and was moved to tears... But the owner of the wallet was not happy!

The barmen asked why was he sad to possess Russia's biggest piano talent in this wallet?

The guy told a genius came to him and told he could make one of his dreams come true.  He then ended up with the little pianist in the wallet.

So what's wrong with that?  You should be proud said the barmen

The guy looked at the barmen and told "you crazy, you really though I asked for a 12 inch pianist !!! "

 

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