Do any of you ever find yourself in the situation where you come to the point of asking yourself "why am I doing this", or “why do I invest so much of my time and sacrifice so much of my life in the quest of perfection with the violin”? I must say there are times I find myself awash with great passion and unbridled motivation, and then there are those occasions where I experience nearly the opposite extreme. During these difficult moments I often find all I can do is push forward and for a time ignore my lack of passion for learning the violin, to ride out the storm as I wait for this passion to return. It is not that I ever cease to love the violin and the music. Rather it seems a bothersome questioning of what it is I really expect of life as I attempt to learn this instrument. Sometimes I seem to experience much confusion regarding the rightful place the violin should have in my life, and regarding the goals I have set before myself. I guess when I consider it some of the apathy I have come to know seems to stem from my rather lofty goals, goals I know full well I may never obtain. One of my goals, an ultimate goal you could say, is to obtain the level of a professional. Were I but a child, this would by no means be an unrealistic goal. However as an adult who has just turned 38 years of age and has spent a mere 6 months of life violin in hand, to have such a goal is proof positive that I have an elevator which does not quite make it all the way to the top (it is also proof positive as to just how much I have fallen for the charming little box we refer to as a violin). The pragmatic side of me would be inclined to agree that I may be a bit on the crazy side. But having said this, the human will is truly remarkable and time and again history has shown us what one may be capable of despite seemingly insurmountable odds. Regardless, I in life have always been a bit of a dreamer, a bit of a naïve romantic, so I press on to some extent blind to my own ambition but all the while with a lingering sense of the task I have set before myself. When this lingering doubt comes to the forefront I then begin to ask the question “why”? And then I wonder.
So, after having taken the long way around, what do you do when doubt creeps in and you begin to wonder?
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