V.com weekend vote: With regard to music, I'd like my significant other to...

February 12, 2010 at 9:28 PM

"I can work with that," I said to myself, upon finding a cassette tape of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in the glove compartment of my future husband's car. He may not be a musician, but clearly he understands good music, I noted.

That was a while ago, as evidenced by the fact that I feel the need to hyperlink "cassette tape" in case some of you have never heard of one.

I was impressed that Robert had bought that recording of his own volition, before he'd ever met me -- and that he had decent taste, too. It wasn't "Moonlight Classics" or something cheesy, it was Solti, with Chicago. I later found out that he had played viola in high school, had sung in a choir (I love his singing voice) and he had even sung and danced what we might call the original "Glee" Club (this particular show choir, actually).

What I'm getting at is the fact that we musicians often need a certain amount of understanding from our significant others when it comes to our devotion to music. Sometimes, we can't go out because we need to practice for three hours straight. Sometimes we drive very far, just to play a gig. Sometimes we want to talk shop, sometimes we go a little nutty for what inspires us.

So with Valentine's Day coming up on Sunday, I thought I would put the question to you: what do you need from your significant other, in support of your music? Please vote and tell your stories below.

poll by twiigs.com

From Rebekah Smith
Posted on February 13, 2010 at 12:20 AM

My husband has played piano and baritone, appreciates classical music, and (mostly) understands my passion for teaching and playing. However, due to hearing damage, he has a problem matching pitches and therefore cannot sing well. He has a decent voice, it just doesn't usually match up to whatever/whoever we're singing with. I so wish I could fix his ears!

From Michael Divino
Posted on February 13, 2010 at 1:23 AM

This counts for potential significant others, right? ;)

From Anne-Marie Proulx
Posted on February 13, 2010 at 3:03 AM

Ha ha Michael Too funny! Everyone put your pics! (just joking)

When I met him, he was way too red to my taste, I prefered those who were more on the blond side. The neck and belly were too chubby to my taste and for my little hands... but when I dared touch him, he bagan signing and his golden powerful voice remebered me so much the sound of my favorite violinists... I couldn't resist! So I didn't mind anymore for his guarneri belly...

Oups...but for a non wodden significative other:

- cellist

- pianist

If not a musician

- have horses ( link with music... I could have bow hair without harming them)

-have a st-bernard (or any big dog!) (link with music... euh... hand warmers of course!)

Seriously, I'm very sick of beeing in a non musical family. So I'll guess I'll vote for anyone who understands me because he is as crazy as me for a passion may it be music, sport, science whatever...

Happy Valentine's day everyone!

Anne-Marie

And to my wodden significant other: keep your golden tone and be nice!!!

From William Gibson III
Posted on February 13, 2010 at 5:04 PM

Significant Other .... If I am ever lucky enough to be blessed with one I guess my only wish would be that she be at least supportive of or understanding of my efforts as much as I would be or try to be in any of her interests and efforts....

From PM Rolf
Posted on February 13, 2010 at 5:44 PM

My husband is a pianist by default. Parents forced him to learn and played till he finished his RCM exams. He claims that he does not like the piano at all, he does enjoys music and listens to a great deal of classical music.

I would like him to

1. Make some nice comments about my playing whenever he makes constructive criticism. Instead of saying "You're lazy, you don't count at all" , say "Honey, I love that you're doing the push and pull, but perhaps you need to tighten it up a little. Nice expression by the way".

2. Accompany me once in awhile so I can play with the piano at a tempo I can handle when learning a piece. And when he does so, don't turn around and give me the dirtiest look when I'm out of tune a little, or when my counting is wrong. I am not talented and it takes me awhile to get things.

3. Understands that the violin is not a piano. When I have to crazy shifts, I may not be able to land on the note as precise as I want it to be (or he wants it to be), I've only been playing for 2 years, that's the best I can do. And I'm really trying my best. So stop telling me that when you land a note with those sliding it's really "Nasty".

But of course I still love him.

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on February 14, 2010 at 5:30 AM

Over the years on this site, we've had many discussions on a similar theme: Should a musician marry a musician? I've read and thought about people's viewpoints. I wonder whether I could ever feel close to a person who doesn't care about music. Of the men I've dated since my divorce, the ones I've felt closest to were music lovers or music makers. I met the first one at an informal music group. He did not sing (much) or play an instrument, but he was a great person to listen with. He was so sensitive to music that he often heard things that I didn't. When he told me about them, the music was enriched for me. The second man was just as devoted to music, especially classical music, as I was. On our first date, we went to a symphony performance at the Kennedy Center. He sang in several choruses, and he loved choral music. He also participated in performances of folk dance with music. We loved going to each other's performances. The third man was a musician whom I met at a jam session. We spent most of the time that we were together listening to and playing music.

I dream of having a LTR with a man who loves music. Right now I am like Anne-Marie: my significant other is my violin.

From Yixi Zhang
Posted on February 14, 2010 at 7:08 AM

Too much information here:)

I'd like my significant other be just the way he is, how's that for an answer? But of course, if he didn't have the passion for and sufficient understanding of music, he wouldn't be on the candidate list to start with.

From Anne-Marie Proulx
Posted on February 14, 2010 at 2:05 PM

Pauline, in addition, with a violin, you can have two significant others: a wodden and a non wodden!!! Just I'm worried if one could be jealous of the other... This must happen sometimes no?

Anne-Marie

From Karen Allendoerfer
Posted on February 15, 2010 at 12:03 AM

My husband is not a musician and has had almost no musical training of any kind. But he does make an effort to go to my concerts and to take me to concerts for my birthday. In some ways it's kind of nice that he says that he can't tell the difference between the community orchestra I play in and the Boston Symphony--and means it.

From Kim Vawter
Posted on February 15, 2010 at 5:41 PM

Ahh--to appreciate classic music--yes!

My grandmother played piano as did her mother and my mother as well but it was my grandmother who gave the best advice about choosing a mate. Ask "Is he kind?" Also it is nice that he will hold a screaming baby and go to Walgreens to get cold medicine in the middle of the night. Yes, a kind person allows you to follow your artistic heart musically. No, I don't need a critique of my progress and YES it would be nice if he would get back to his piano lessons again. I do like the comment about horses and the endless supply of bow hairs--Well, can't have everything!

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on February 16, 2010 at 2:05 PM

Anne-Marie, I confess my ignorance. what does "wodden" mean? I looked it up in a couple of reference sources, but I couldn't find it.

From Marsha Weaver
Posted on February 16, 2010 at 4:05 PM

My husband has no musical training, but loves to sing. My only request would be that he would pick a key, and then STICK WITH IT!!! His voice is generally good, but he has a tendency to change keys in the middle of a note.

That being said, he has been very supportive of my late-blooming violin efforts. I never heard any complaints about the money it took to get my first violin into playable condition after it was given to me. Bless his heart!!

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