December 2008

To Play Or Not To Play, That Is The Question

December 22, 2008 20:16

This is my opportunity, and I might waste it, yet again.

I have been having difficulty playing for more than 15 or 20 minutes at a time lately, due to a stressful concert day. That day involved performing the Coppelia ballet 3 times on December 5th, and ever since, my left shoulder (which has always been weak) feels like it will dislocate if I play for a prolonged period. I have dislocated my shoulder half a dozen times in the past decade or so. Each time, the dislocation is so extreme it requires hospitalization and medications to relax my muscles enough to put my arm back in its socket. (Apologies for the graphic imagery.)

However, this is my holiday break. I would really appreciate the opportunity presented to practice my heart out. Have a "Paganini Session" like I used to. However, fear of discomfort and possibility of injury are preventing me from doing just that.

I've had some uncertainty about my personal playing lately. However, I played the Bach Chaccone for my jury, and not only was it my best jury ever, but my professors said that it was among the best performances of the movement at my university. This is despite my fear of injury, so I know it's possible for me to "mind over matter" my issues.

I'm not sure if this is a health, mental, or physical problem. Perhaps it's a combination of all of the above. Regardless, I'm really hoping to take advantage of my recent discovery that was my violin jury, and use it to really take advantage of my time off this holiday season to advance my playing and confidence levels.

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