Watch the Indianapolis Competition Livestream

Just a bit of crazy humor!

August 16, 2017, 9:00 PM · Believe it or not this all pretty much came to me in the shower yesterday. I thought to wait till April Fools but I couldn't keep back that long to inflict it on everybody. So, with apologies to Gogol, here is:

Diary of a Mad Fiddler
Nikolai Rimsky-klaymakoff

September 23

After practicing Sev-chick exercises for 3 hours today I started to feel very strange. But I felt better after deciding to finally ban all shoulder rests from my kingdom!

September 29

I’ve ordered and sampled 23 different rosins the past year. I decided to crush the last new one into a powder and use it in my coffee in lieu of Sweet and Low. Actually it wasn’t bad! My teeth do feel a little stuck together but…

October 4

I was overjoyed to find a Medieval neume in an old bookstore today! Just think of those old monks who slaved away at their music, writing on parchment…
But then I was distressed by this thought: what do you call someone who writes neumes? A…. NEUMEMANN!!!!

October 18

I finally decided to confront my neighbor today in the apartment next to mine. I rang her bell. When she opened the door I said “I want to have a talk with your doggie.” “What do you want with my dog?” she nervingly said. “I want to tell him to stop howling at me every time I play on the E string”. Can you believe that she slammed her door in my face?

No date. A day without date.

Stardate 2324.02

YestreEday was truly a grrreatt day! I finally proved what I had long suspected – that I am both Nicolo Paganini and Jascha Heifetz!!! Do you doubt me? Oh ye of little faith! Any fool with half a brain and a bottle of fingerpaint can replicate my wonderful experiment: dip your finger into the bottle and scrawl “Paganini” on a wall as I did. It will soon fade and the name “Heifetz” will appear in its place!

I was so overjoyed that at the stroke of midnight I went up to the roof of my building and shouted the GOOD NEWS with all of my might! Then I played Batehoooven’s Ode to Joy as loudly as I could on my Stroh violin! Would you believe that many naybers had the nerve to yell at me??? Jelous lttle plebians! No matter. I am sure that very soon I will be crowned EMPER –ROAR OF THE VIOLIN!!!

Martober 43rd

There is some commotion in the nayber-hoot. An amulet has pulled up in front of my building and some men in whjite coats have come out. After my repeated complaints to the police, mayor and city counseal I beoieve that they have finally come to take my nay-saying-ber and her little howling doggie a-way…oh joy!

Wait a minute…why are they knocking on MY door? I…it..but…AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!


This article has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.

Facebook Twitter YouTube Instagram Email is made possible by...

Shar Music
Shar Music

Pirastro Strings
Pirastro Strings

Corilon Violins
Corilon Violins

Los Angeles Philharmonic
Los Angeles Philharmonic

Virtual Sejong Music Competition
Virtual Sejong Music Competition

Dimitri Musafia, Master Maker of Violin and Viola Cases
Dimitri Musafia, Master Maker of Violin and Viola Cases Shopping Guide Shopping Guide

Coltman Competition

Metzler Violin Shop

Bein & Company

Bay Fine Strings Violin Shop

Leatherwood Bespoke Rosin

Annapolis Bows & Violins

Los Angeles Violin Shop

String Masters

Bobelock Cases

Things 4 Strings LLC



Sleepy Puppy Press

Jargar Strings

J.R. Judd Violins, LLC

Southwest Strings

Nazareth Gevorkian Violins

Laurie's Books

Discover the best of in these collections of editor Laurie Niles' exclusive interviews. Interviews Volume 1 Interviews Volume 1, with introduction by Hilary Hahn Interviews Volume 2 Interviews Volume 2, with introduction by Rachel Barton Pine