April 2008

When Did I Grow Up?

April 13, 2008 03:52

It's sunset. That time of the day when everything is beginning to settle down. Everything's quieter. The sky is dramatically changing hues... yellow, orange, red, then a somber blue begins to take over until it chases the brightness to the horizon and the colors are gone.

As a child I used to watch this scene daily. I would sit quietly hours before and wait for that drama to change the sky. I'd mull over what it meant and even wrote several poems about it. My short stories were filled with characters who often looked at this same sky.

But now I just glance at it for a few seconds before settling down on my computer to do my stuff. I don't even think about the colors anymore, or the cloud formations, or how the stars appear, seemingly out of nowhere. Instead I think about the work I have to do tomorrow at the office, the history project I will finally begin, the Suzuki Book 1 pieces that I have to practice, and even the laundry I'll be doing later. The sun is going down and I am missing it, but my thoughts fly to yesterday's chamber rehearsal and how, like PM Rolf, I don't think I'm ready for it. We are playing the Overture to the Christmas portion of Handel's Messiah and, although I can sight-read it, I can't play all of it yet. As an adult beginner, my fingers can't keep up with the running notes. Will they ever?

Darn it, the sun is gone. I miss having to sit peacefully, just waiting for God to paint that picture. I didn't care then how much time passed, or what I needed to do in the next few hours. When did I grow up and become this adult? When did all the cares of daily life suddenly become more important than the clouds?

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