June 2007

The Endless Search

June 28, 2007 07:05

I went to the University of the Philippines yesterday to enrol for violin extension class, filled out the form and waited for my number to be called. When I finally got called though they said there was no more slot for Saturdays and the only available openings were on Mondays and Thursdays, from 10 am to 3 pm. Seems like the old students get the Saturday classes, since they enrol in advance. I wonder how I can become an old student if I can't enrol as a new one.

I have work on weekdays so I guess no violin classes for me this semester. Meanwhile I'll just practice the church pieces for Sundays. Any given Sunday there are about 20 pieces to play, in varying keys. This Sunday's pieces are in A, Ab, C, D, Eb, F, and G - in varying speeds, too. I guess this is more exercise for me than Twinkle, Twinkle.

But I do wish I could find the right teacher. I've been searching a long time and have not really found one who fit the mark. I wonder how the other violinists here found their teachers. Wish you could all share your stories on that fateful day when you found the teacher who helped bring you to where you are now.

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Beginning Again

June 25, 2007 07:42

I realize that my last entry here was dated December 22, 2005 - just three days before Christmas. Shortly after that season I decided to let go of this wild notion that I would ever progress in playing the violin. Maybe it was Handel's Messiah that got to me. Maybe, as an adult beginner, I felt I was more like stumbling into his compositions than gliding effortlessly through them, as I should. It was just too hard, and I couldn't see a future. I gave up.

But I guess Someone up there hasn't given up on me. On the day of Pentecost this year I was back. I still can't figure out how it happened, but all of a sudden I'm back in this seed of an orchestra. I've picked up my violin after almost a year and a half of letting it gather dust and tried to befriend it again.

We're both strangers now. Having been together for a year and then out of touch for more than that, it felt cold in my hands and made strange sounds. Could be that the rosin had dried on the strings, or the strings itself needed changing, but somewhere inside me I could sense that it was saying, "Hey, you gave up on me."

And it wouldn't yield. No notes of warmth or comfort came from it. No familiar sounds. No joy, not even a smile.

And I said, "We're going to do this again. If we have to start over from the very beginning, we're going to do it." And I picked the violin up, wiped away the thin film of dust that managed to seep into the case, and held it close for a while.

I don't have a teacher and will probably not have one for more than a year from now, but I will play. Reading notes will be like riding a bike. And I will play even when I don't sound perfect. And I will continue to play until I do. And I will not stop. And maybe one day, even after stumbling many times on this difficult road, I might just find that I am not alone in this, and that my violin and I might finally become one.

2 replies | Archive link

More entries: July 2007December 2005

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