September 13, 2004 at 1:09 PM

It is strange that I somehow feel more grown up...professional...important...confident and in charge of myself with the simple act of putting on my blacks. Maybe it is the blazer/jacket and belt. Hm. Dressing up really does affect the way we feel about ourselves. Concert today. Twelve hours from now, so of course I'm drinking my typical morning overdose of espresso trying to get myself through the morning/afternoon of teaching and lessons and work. I feel proud somehow. All these good things. I am going to really miss this environment when I graduate in December. The lull and stagnancy of that space of time where I figure out exactly where it is that I fit into this musical world/real world. I mean, I'll still play in four symphonies/orchestras, and try to teach, but the academic environment will all of a sudden not be my identity so to speak. I know that everyone must go through this phase. I hope that I don't disappoint myself. Anyhow. TOday I woke up feeling like a professional. Instead of a student stumbling in in jeans and a sweatshirt. I've never been one for appearance...even caring at all. But it really makes a difference. At least for me. At least this certain day. I start a new student today. That always makes me a little shaky and quite hyper. Sometimes I wonder if my students think I'm nuts. It has to be in a good way, though, because it is all natural energy and excitement about what I love. Sometimes the student is so excited (though the older ones hide it more) that it is infectios. I want to give them all I can. They deserve to be inspired by me. That inspires ME. I just can't let it upset me when, inevitably, they loose interest at some point. I mean, it is college and I teach the non-majors, or the brass/wind/vocal students who, because of scheduling, can't make the general strings class and so opt for private lessons instead. I make it my mission to keep them interested while they have French class and physics and English class and performance on their main instruments stressing them out more. Violin should be fun for them, but I want them to get it right. They perhaps might be the one to be in the local school system orchestra/band slot and end up having to start kids out on string instruments. THat is sad. One semester of violin/viola/cello instruction will not make them certified to start students on a stringed instrument. What is that doing to the state of music programs in the elementary schools/middle schools? Oh, here the tangeant goes. And I'll jump off the wagon before I get going and make myself late. ANyhow. Life is fantastic. I"m going to hold on to that feeling as long as I can.
JW

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September 13, 2004 at 1:09 PM

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