Printer-friendly version
jennifer steinfeldt  warren

September 7, 2004 at 2:56 PM

I spent all night agonizingly intense and contemplating quitting school and my assistantship and just taking lessons and playing my recital and taking my comprehensive exams and getting out of my school. There are so many issues...I won't go into them. Then I finally (after walking around my apartment complex, swinging on the swings in the playground at 2 am, having a long conversation with the gas station attendant at around 3...)fell asleep to wake up every half an hour or so drenched in sweat. Then I woke up this morning and feel fine. I can't remember what the angst and hurt and weirdness of last night felt like. Ah...how mornings bring perspective with space between the day before and what is to come. I'm sure I'll get all worked up today about something and have to calm down all over again. Sometimes I feel like I'm a car. A racecar. Black. Shiny. Going 180mph shifting gears and revving the engine. Then I either get a ticket or run out of gas and get stranded or pull over on the side of the freeway for a nap....stop at IHOP....if only I were more like my real car. A 93 hyundai that maxes out at 65 mph, chortles and coughs, blends into traffic, has a nonworking music player, and is small...
I love my car, though. I have an IPOD that I take with me...put on huge recording headphones and random play music when I drive. Sometimes I'm driving a spaceship, sometimes a submarine, sometimes I forget I'm driving....the greatest music comes on. Wagner, then the Louvin Brothers...then Dar Williams, then Bartok, then gregorian chant, then REM, then 60's girl pop, then indonesian music, then Smith's anthology tracks, then Vivaldi...makes the commute fun. Maybe that is why mornings are great. I look forward to the 45 minute commute of music and drinking coffee (as long as I don't spill it in my lap) and smoking cigarettes in the cool morning air. The day has not yet hit. You know, and it doesn't have to. I think I just allow things to get under my skin. So today is going to be pleasant and I'm going to let all the things that are bothering me there just slide off my skin when they happen. FORGET HOW TO THINK. That is the main problem. The music building has been my home for five years. My haven. My place. I am not going to let anyone or anything take that comfort and happiness and sweat away from me.
JW

This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.

Facebook Twitter YouTube Instagram Email

Violinist.com is made possible by...

Shar Music
Shar Music

Pirastro Strings
Pirastro Strings

Corilon Violins
Corilon Violins

Colburn School: Chamber Music Intensive
Colburn School: Chamber Music Intensive

Find a Summer Music Program
Find a Summer Music Program

Dimitri Musafia, Master Maker of Violin and Viola Cases
Dimitri Musafia, Master Maker of Violin and Viola Cases

Violinist.com Shopping Guide
Violinist.com Shopping Guide

Metzler Violin Shop

Bein & Company

Bay Fine Strings Violin Shop

Leatherwood Bespoke Rosin

Annapolis Bows & Violins

Los Angeles Violin Shop

String Masters

Bobelock Cases

Things 4 Strings LLC

Violin-Strings.com

Viola-Strings.com

Baerenreiter

Fiddlerman.com

FiddlerShop

Sleepy Puppy Press

Jargar Strings

J.R. Judd Violins, LLC

Southwest Strings

Nazareth Gevorkian Violins

Laurie's Books

Discover the best of Violinist.com in these collections of editor Laurie Niles' exclusive interviews.

Violinist.com Interviews Volume 1
Violinist.com Interviews Volume 1, with introduction by Hilary Hahn

Violinist.com Interviews Volume 2
Violinist.com Interviews Volume 2, with introduction by Rachel Barton Pine

Subscribe