August 29, 2004 at 5:33 PM
Does anyone have problems reading the blogs on their screens? Do the lines stretch out forever all the way across and you have to scroll scroll scroll? Just wondering if it is my computer. Anyhow. I had determined not to blog anymore because it occured to me that as much as I SUCK ON THE VIOLIN THESE DAYS, maybe, someday, at some point, I might be good enough to audition for a job or apply or whatever...in the arena of the more advanced and experienced violinists who frequent these pages....and Good GOd, what if they recognize my name and thing "NO WAY" because I tend to vent and rage and be wierd and ramble and mention my medical dilemmas (kind of like old people who only talk about how sick they are...all the time....am I like that? I hope not)...on V.Com. I'm assuming that since school is starting, I won't be able to spend so much time between practicing playing on the computer. Then again, I've decided that my recent issues at school/work are because I was too open last year with my boss. And now she's freaked out about me and for her own sanity is keeping her distance. I've pretty much been in a manic rage concerning school and orchestra and lessons and my career and classes and administration and personal stuff and can't sleep because I'm so worked up over all the stuff. So this year....keeping it all to myself. Or at least going to try to. Not walk around with "obvious!!!". Not spend so much time in the office that the people ther actually get to know me and I get tempted to "share" what crazinesses are going through my brain and self. It is my nature, but I will repeat over and over "STIFFLE THYSELF!". Because apparantly no matter how open-minded or artistic or eccentric the people in the music building are...well, things are just not in a great state of affairs. Silently. I'd rather people just SAY that they don't want me to touch anything or do anything or have any responsibility or even audition...than to be ignored and then ignored and um... then not given a chance and ignored again. I suppose mental illness makes people uncomfortable. It is just upsetting that my violinistic opporitunities are being compromised as a result. I need to get out of there and start over somewhere else. Anyhow. SO...APPARANTLY I decided (after what, one, two days?) to blog again. TO torture you guys with my novellettes. Read at your own risk. And then promptly and convieniently forget my name. He he. Ah. Calmer already. Off to practice. Bye guys.
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