Printer-friendly version
jennifer steinfeldt  warren

August 28, 2004 at 2:38 PM

Yesterday was bittersweet. Angering, frustrating, exciting, fun, and depressing. Did I cover them all? I'm recouperating today and trying to get ahold of people to clear up confusions. The main thing is that it came to light that my intense paranoia was, after all, reality. Ow. But it can be worked out. I'm fired up to make this happen. For a few hours I contemplated dropping out and dropping my assistantship and quitting orchestra and just taking my exams and doing my recital to finish up my requirements. But oh, I love school too much and I have this opporitunity and have a job there, so why be an ass and prove them right...just need to talk to some people and express in a congenial way what is going on and that, hello, I NOTICE. And don't like to be lied to. And that I am really upset about some administrative decisions. We'll see how that goes. I just have to keep my cool and remember how much I want to play music with people. How much I want to grow with my music and escape into it and all. I love the people, that isn't the problem. I had a lot of fun yesterday getting back with my "musician" people and joking around. The faculty meeting was especially fun. We passed notes. And tried not to snort too loudly. Ah. Breathe. IT will be o.k. It has occured to me that I am a bit high strung. Isn't that the word people used? I usually refer to myself as "pissy". But it is about the same thing. And I'm a hopeless perfectionist and WAY sensitive. But I really want to play my violin so if I don't get all caught up in my attititude and hurt feelings and confusions regarding my job and orchestra, then we've got a great semester ahead.
-JW
p.s. my doc tilted his head and regarded....and upped my meds. Apparantly it is very common for people with Bipolar I who have to take these asthma medications....well, for the asthma meds to make them angry. LIke that makes me feel any better, but at least I understand it now. Whatever. He let me go. My dreams were just that....dreams.
-JW

This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.

Facebook Twitter YouTube Instagram Email

Violinist.com is made possible by...

Shar Music
Shar Music

Pirastro Strings
Pirastro Strings

Corilon Violins
Corilon Violins

Colburn School: Chamber Music Intensive
Colburn School: Chamber Music Intensive

Find a Summer Music Program
Find a Summer Music Program

Dimitri Musafia, Master Maker of Violin and Viola Cases
Dimitri Musafia, Master Maker of Violin and Viola Cases

Violinist.com Shopping Guide
Violinist.com Shopping Guide

Metzler Violin Shop

Bein & Company

Bay Fine Strings Violin Shop

Leatherwood Bespoke Rosin

Annapolis Bows & Violins

Los Angeles Violin Shop

String Masters

Bobelock Cases

Things 4 Strings LLC

Violin-Strings.com

Viola-Strings.com

Baerenreiter

Fiddlerman.com

FiddlerShop

Sleepy Puppy Press

Jargar Strings

J.R. Judd Violins, LLC

Southwest Strings

Nazareth Gevorkian Violins

Laurie's Books

Discover the best of Violinist.com in these collections of editor Laurie Niles' exclusive interviews.

Violinist.com Interviews Volume 1
Violinist.com Interviews Volume 1, with introduction by Hilary Hahn

Violinist.com Interviews Volume 2
Violinist.com Interviews Volume 2, with introduction by Rachel Barton Pine

Subscribe