August 6, 2004 at 5:39 AM
I've been away from my computer for awhile. Switching from 98 to 2000. Binge computing. I think my playing is like Stephen Hawking's new theory of Black holes. Spitting out randomness...pieces and slices in different form which was once long ago a whole something. I mean, is that not what a scale is? My mind is a scale these days. A harmonic minor one. That goes super high and screeches. My pieces....like tiny particles aching to join and in doing so get more and more out of tune. Maybe it was not meant to be together and maybe I need to stop thinking about space and matter and particles and relativity and physics when I play Beethoven. Or Bach. Space cadet! Yes, me I am, the ego the I the id. All fighting for chances to schpeil thier talk and play their play and make the consequence of a practice day. Oh, I record myself and then listen. Humour and mood are repercusions of the vacuum in that instance. Really switches perspecive. Oh, dear Einstein, where are you now? No wonder you never took the violin seriously. It truly is a bi//h. At least to do every day. But so rewarding when you find the formula. About a week before you have to perform the 1's and the 0's of our bodies come together to make sense and in-tune inclines. I want to incline now. Something to do with the learning curve is holding me to sharpness, though. I liked it better when I sucked much worse and could tell every day that I was improving. As for now, I just think that I'm continually playing like crap. Hm. Uplifting neurotransmitters rapid firing in my brain at 12:38 my time. Not so much. Later my violin friends!
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