Is It The Right Decision?

January 23, 2007 at 6:01 AM

Now we come for the important event for last Sunday's lesson: Malone and Joe. They are both around 6 years old. Malone is really quiet and can't concentrate for more than 5 or 10 minutes. He tends to just stare and think about whatever, and sometimes I actually might need to shake his body or hand to get his attention. However, difficult that problem might be it's fixable especially if his mother cooperated.

Joe, on the other hand, doesn't pay attention. He has an attitude that is very similar to those kids in parenting reality TV shows! He keeps playing WITH the violin (not playing the violin), tends to make a lot of comments about Malone's clothes or my clothes or the room or my violin or Malone's violin or the center owner or the piano in the room or whatever...you see the point! And also sometimes he exaggerates or ridicules exercises that we do in class. For example, when I instruct them to hold the violin, he'd hold the violin upside down or hold the bow with his left hand although he knows exactly the right thing. His mom doesn't attend the lessons (neither does Malone's mom) although I talked to her plenty of times before about the parental involvement when learning using Suzuki violin method (I even once told her that it's a waste of her money and time if she keeps bringing him and not attending). She also tends to threaten her son whenever he misbehaves(Like no video games today or something), so he behaves well in violin class only because he wants to play video games or he's afraid of mom or something, which I think is not right as it doesn't serve the purpose of finally convincing him to behave well in order to respect his teacher, his classmates and his violin.

Furthermore, Joe's mom and the owner center don't support my efforts. For example, I'd warn Joe that if he misbehaves there will be no violin playing for him today. When he does misbehave, I let it go with another warning (just to give him a chance) and when he does it again I'd end the lesson. At that point it may have been only 15 minutes since the start of the class, so his mom says "Well, Joe. I didn't come all the way over here for you not have a lesson. If you don't behave well, you will not watch cartoons for three days". Joe gets into the surrender face and sadly says "Ok, I'm sorry. I won't do it again". The center owner comes into play and tries to convince me to continue with the lesson: "Come on he's young, take it easy on him...He's only six". So I continue the lesson for another 5 or 10 minutes or so. Another situation would be that I send him out, so the center owner and his mom are afraid about his morale (!!), they make him play and tell him how good he plays...That especially REALLY ANGERS ME!!!

Come on, his teacher sends him out because he misbehaves and wastes his classmate's time, only for him to find the center owner telling him that he is the best violinist ever!!? That's INSANE! The kid must think we're crazy or something!! All they both do is just empower him and encourage him to continue that behaviour.

It's a mess and frankly I can't teach that way. So, when he misbehaved this Sunday I made him sit down, listen and not play for some time. When I allowed him to play, he misbehaved again, so I sent him out and refused to let him in again (It was only 5 minutes till end of class).

Joe's and Malone's progress is relatively very slow, I don't like it because they are both really smart and can do much better. So, I told the center owner to arrange a meeting for Joe's and Malone's mom with me next Wednesday or Sunday. I will try to explain how important it is that they get involved (without interfering in my teaching) and how important it is that they supervise their children's practice at home..etc.

I decided that after this meeting, if their moms don't cooperate I'll warn them again and if they still don't cooperate..I'll NOT continue teaching Joe and Malone, as it is clearly a waste of my time, their time and their money. I don't know if it's the right decision or not as it might mean that I gave up on my students?!?! I don't know, really. It will also definitely mean a lot of problems with the center owner; since he loses customers that way. This is really tricky!! So, if somebody actually reads this blog, please give me your input...Would it be right to refuse to continue with Joe and Malone if their moms don't cooperate?

Regards,
Mahmoud Ibrahim - For the rest of my violin teaching news visit my violin teaching diary

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on January 23, 2007 at 11:00 AM

I've got more thoughts about this than I could get written down, but basically, at least unless you have someone to fill the place, don't get rid of them. It sounds like you don't, since it would bug the owner.

They might be wasting their time and money, or maybe not. In a couple years maybe they'll calm down and remember violin and think hmmm violin, that might be nice.

The best advice I ever got from anybody was from my uncle who took me aside once and just said "Be cool." I think he might have just been trying to prevent custody of me from being foisted on him by my parents, but it was great advice nevertheless :)

From Karen Allendoerfer
Posted on January 23, 2007 at 2:26 PM

It doesn't sound like the standard Suzuki method is really working for Joe and Malone. It sounds to me like it would help if you could separate Joe and Malone and teach them individually most of the time. Maybe they could get together for recitals or special events. But as it is, they're just distracting each other rather than motivating each other.

From Jenna Potts
Posted on January 23, 2007 at 4:37 PM

Wow...you've got yourself a challenge!

The fundamental premise of the Suzuki method is that "every child can learn to a high level given the proper learning environment using the mother tongue method." One should be careful to understand the two stipulations on "every child can."

From how things look, I'd doubt they're listening to their CD's at home and I'd doubt they're practicing. If you end up dropping them, I'd say it wasn't because you gave up on your students, but instead it was because you recognized that the student's parents gave up on their own children, at least violinistically.

My $0.02.

From Anne Horvath
Posted on January 23, 2007 at 4:38 PM

Hi Mahmoud, I have really enjoyed reading about your teaching. Thank you for posting it for everybody to read.

Let me comment on "I'd warn Joe that if he misbehaves there will be no violin playing for him today. When he does misbehave, I let it go with another warning"...Mahmoud, I think it is a mistake to give in. If you do warn a misbehaving child, let him know that you mean it, and follow through. Every time.

I am sorry you have some Problem Moms. I have had some too. Something I started awhile back was to do an initial interview with prospective students. For about a half-hour, I sit down with the child and parents, and outline my expectations and studio policies. I have everything in writing. I do not charge money for this meeting. The parents then have the option of deciding if I am the proper teacher for their child. This also gives me the option of sizing up the child and the parents. But getting your teaching philosophy out in the open is very important.

Good luck.

From Mahmoud Ibrahim
Posted on January 23, 2007 at 6:24 PM

Thanks to all your comments and suggestions.

Jenna, you are right. They don't practice and they don't listen to the CDs...Although I keep repeating to the mothers that it's important. Malone promised to practice last time (10 minutes a day) but I doubt it would do him much good since the parent-teacher role is missing :(

Anne, your suggestion is very good. That's what I decided to do, outline my teaching policy to the parents and give them a choice of either going on with me and Suzuki method or finding another teacher...I'll make that a habbit with all new students before they begin.

I really don't care about the owner, Jim, he can get bugged as much as he wants for all it's worth!! I'm busy with college (pharmacy) and I can't waste my time like that, especially that I'm teaching for experience and fun not for money...!! I will happily recommend other teachers for him if he's not pleased with my strategy and go teach somewhere else...Plenty of places :)

I'll see what goes on in that meeting with the parents and keep you all posted as soon as that meeting happens...Thanks again for your input :)

Have Fun,
Mahmoud Ibrhaim

From Stephen Brivati
Posted on January 23, 2007 at 10:36 PM

Greetings,
thanks for a very honest and interesitng blog. Really sympathize with your problems. In the long run the best way to prevent thes e things is to get really clear in your own mind what it is you expect from both parent and student in a preliminary meeting and basically make this in to a contract. A very good book that discusse sthis in relation to Suzuki is I think called `Bettwene Parent and teacher` by Kemptner-anyway its availbale from Shar. Maybe someone could clarify that?
In the meantime what to do? Personally I initially really didn`t enjoy enjoy teaching the 5 and 6 years olds so much as advamced students. I think there are all diffenret kind sof teachers. Go back a bit and read Lauries blogs in the archives. Obviously she can teach at any level but what is refelected in her writing about big classes and the Suzuki clearly demonstartes a gift in this area. I hesitate to say it becuase I`ll probaly get killed, but it might be a lot to do with the difference between men and women. I ave -a lot- of experience as a teacher, teacher trainer and curriculum specialist at elementary school level and it is fairly consistent that women hit the balance between patinece, compassion and raging anger slightly better than men as a rule. There are exceptions.
However, as far as violin playing is concerned, I did relcutantly take on one the brightest , cutest five year old kids on the planet. God in heaven he has been a king size pain in the butt for the last year. No attention span, body out of control like spaghetti, strong idea sabout what he does and doesn@t want to do, energy shooting off in all directions. Stand still? Forget it? Do soemthign asked directly? Forget it? Ask him to write his name on the wall with the tip of his bow and he will insist that he wnat s to write the name of his whole family, all his school friends and the contents of the telephone book. His mother and i look at each other roll our eyes and laugh as he does this for the next twenty five minutes...
How did I work with this mess? The immediate problem wwas not him actually.! His lesson is first thing in the morning and I knew his breakfsat was sugar and junk food so I gently mocked him and his parents about the food, week in week out. Nothign rude or agressive- `Wow donuts for breakfast, your dentist must love you.@ etc. `Feeling a bit loopey today are we? Chocolate cake for breakfast? Hmmmm....`
His parents are well meaning and intellignet and over times things changed very much for the better.
When working with him I accepted that he couldnt do things the regular way so when I succeeded in getting him to do something well I`d stop before he stopped and start rolling around on the floor being a dog with fleas or whatever. he`d join in, then i`d tickle him and eventually I`d trick him back into doing something else good.
I tell him outragoeus fantasy stories about monsters and weird Roald Dahl kind sof things until he can`t stop laughing and then I trick hinm into doing somemore work.
After a year he is morer settled, has completed four book of Adventures in violinland, produces a refined sound, bows straight and plays in tune. He@s moving on so fast I soemtimes can`t keep up.
Tough? You bet!!! what it worth it. Every bloody minute.
Cheers,
Buri

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on January 24, 2007 at 4:32 AM

Mahmoud, if it's just for laughs, then do whatever you want:)

From Rick Floress
Posted on January 24, 2007 at 2:32 PM

It seems to me that one of the key elements of Suzuki training is missing; parental involvement (oh yeah, that "not practicing" thing doesn't help either). The method says that all students who utilize the method can learn. I don't think it is at all realistic to use 25% of the method, but expect 100% of the results. I think that at this age, the relationship between teacher and parent is at least as important as that between the teacher and the student. They need to work to together as a team, with the parent reinforcing the principals taught at the lesson.

From Jenna Potts
Posted on January 24, 2007 at 4:44 PM

Wow, Buri. My hat's off to you.

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Is It The Right Decision?

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