My first recital was last Saturday. I wish I could say it was a triumph, but it wasn't. I did learn, though, and that's the important thing.
I didn't realize until two days before the recital that I was going to have to play this with a piano accompaniment. I mean, I'm not stupid; I knew there was one. I just didn't know I would be doing it that way. Having to play with another person threw me. I couldn't take any time to stretch notes for dramatic effect, or any of the cool emotional stuff I was doing when I rehearsed by myself. Now I just had to keep going, as fast as possible, along with the piano.
I was displeased. In fact, I had been asked if I wanted to play with the piano, and I said no.
But my violin teacher really wanted to do it that way, so we had an extra lesson to get it down. But I was still missing things right up to the last minute. So, of course, up in front of a group of people, playing my first solo piece, I made a mistake and lost it with the piano.
I am glad to say, though, that I got back on the horse. i found my spot and kept on going. I didn't cry. Most importantly, I didn't quit.
So, my playing wasn't perfect. But I lived through it. I faced down something I was fearing terribly, and I won. I can also take some comfort in the fact that not one, not two, but four other students decided at the last minute that they were too scared to play and backed out. Others wouldn't even try in the firs place. One of the one who withdrew came to the recital anyway, and described how she had been physically sick all day from nerves. I know the feeling. But I also know the only way to get over it is to do it. And I did!
Now I'm thinking of signing up for a music camp this summer, to get more experience playing with other people and playing in public. I'll have to see how the money goes. But I think that would not only be helpful for me and my playing, but also (dare I say it?) fun.
More entries: May 2011
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