Well, i lived through playing the Star-spangled Banner at the Fort Worth Cats game on May 15th. Barely. I had walked a 5k the weekend before, and managed to tear a ligament, so my knee was not well. I had to go up and down stairs at the game, and then we waited out on the field in the sun for about 20 minutes. I don't know if they heat had something to do with it, but I though we all sounded out of tune. I was pretty disappointed, and paranoid that I was the one out of tune and completely ruining the song. I've since watched a DVD of it, though, and I don't think so. I also don't think it was as bad as I originally thought.
Still, we were treated nicely and it was a great learning experience to perform in public. I also realized another thing: I don't think I'll ever be that frightened to play again. I have a recital this weekend, and while I have to play alone, I'm not anywhere near as scared. I mess up? I hit a wrong note/ I forget where I am in the music? It's all right. I can deal.
Last week, I went to Meyerson Hall to hear the Dallas Symphony Orchestra do Beethoven's Ninth. Unbelievable. Just incredible. Life changing. Literally. Rather than making me feel inadequate, I think I've played better overall the whole last week than I ever have before. We'll see what happens Saturday. Or on Thursday, when I'll find out if my violin teacher hears the difference.
I'm playing third violin on the "Star Spangled Banner" tomorrow, arrangement by my teacher, Mary Nesvadba. The arrangement is quite good and not too difficult, but it's in a key I've never practiced before, so getting the right notes and fingering has been a bit tricky for me. Also (wah wah), I tore a ligament in my knee last week doing a 5K (walking, not running. Good Lord) and have been in rather a bit of pain. I did practice, but still felt stupid and slow at rehearsal with all the other violinists last Thursday.
Until my lesson the next day. i was still feeling discouraged and not too energetic. Mary, of course, wanted to practice my SSB part, which was fine with me. Much to my surprise, she thought I was doing well, especially considering I hadn't studied this before.
And then I heard it. The words I've been dying to hear. "You're very talented," she said. I couldn't believe it. I so often feel inadequate at violin and fear I'm just wasting everyone's time. I think I've been told I was talented at exactly one other thing in my entire life, and certainly never at anything musical.
I am over the moon. And a lot more ready to play in front of stadium full of people tomorrow. Hopefully.
More entries: April 2011
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