The Pit Conductor (or Why I Love the Pit)

February 17, 2009 at 9:31 AM

This note was left on all our stands before rehearsal this evening, written by our conductor, Tammy Vollum-Matturo:

-Snacks are mandatory.

-When bringing snacks, consider the CONDUCTOR, as she prefers chocolate and gummy bears/worms.

-Jokes are encouraged.

-Making the CONDUCTOR laugh is not mandatory, but when doing so, consider timing as not to interrupt the quiet sections during our rests. This could cause missed entrances, tears, and untimely trips to the bathroom.

-When arriving for performance, please situate snacks and drinks first, then prepare to warm up.

-Remember: many kids and adults view us from above, so any animal noises or zoo sounds are appropriate.

-Passing notes may seem a bit childish or immature, but is greatly encouraged in the pit.

-Watching the CONDUCTOR is optional.

-Napping during dialogue is acceptable. Please try not to snore. If you are sitting next to a snorer, please jab them with your elbow. If you are unwakeable, please snore in rhythm.

-When tossing candy/snacks, be sure your aim is accurate as to not damage instruments or cause head injuries to your fellow pit mates.

-Save the opening of your snack bags, such as chips, for the quietest part of the show so all audience members will be able to hear. Open slowly, thus drawing out the duration of all sound effects.

-Snacks with strong odors are encouraged, i.e. anchovies, pizza, Nacho Cheese Doritos, shrimp, etc.

-If it is too dark in the pit to see your music, don't worry, improvise.

-Making fun of Vern is mandatory.

-The CONDUCTOR is always right.

-When the CONDUCTOR is wrong, blame it on Vern.

From Tom Holzman
Posted on February 17, 2009 at 5:43 PM

I can understand why you like the pit. Conductor sounds like a wonderful person. But who is Vern?

From Emily Grossman
Posted on February 17, 2009 at 9:03 PM

The oboe player.

From Tom Holzman
Posted on February 17, 2009 at 11:52 PM

Vern is clearly the correct scapegoat. You can always count on the oboe to wheeze or squawk at the wrong moment.

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