47 Uses for Your Metronome
April 26, 2006 at 9:44 AM
2. Doggie toy
3. Track repeats
5. Alien communication
7. Fly fishing
11. Nourishing OCD
13. Heart rate monitor
17. Airport hoaxes
19. Deep breathing exercises
23. Countdown on New Year’s
29. Calculating absolute stationary
31. Nagging small children
41. Contacting the dead
43. Retriever training
47. Slave driving
53. Purging puerility
59. Eradicating evil
61. Reiterating redundancy
67. Techno beat
71. Counting sheep
73. Stocking stuffers
79. Fun for the whole Baptist family
83. Fun for the whole Nazi family
89. Silencing objections
97. Courting a shorebird
101. Stifling rubato
103. Ignoring the phone
107. Instilling fear
109. Synchronized eating
113. Pest extermination
127. Stoning the wicked
137. Playing the theme to “24"
139. Impressing Joshua Bell
149. Counting to 1,319
151. Getting fired from an orchestra
157. Faking a pulse in a hospital
163. Cheating for an audition
167. Picking up hot violin chix
173. Impersonating the microwave
179. Arguing with Toni Furman
181. Improving your SAT’s
191. Beating a dead horse
193. Boring people to death
197. Entertaining Alaskans
199. Pure, unfiltered, 100% organic insanity
59. Eradicating evil
*cough* I don't like that very much.
You've got many that pertain to v.commers! I'll try using it to impress Alaskans ;-)
Alaskans. Sorry about that, hehe.
your counting is like nails on a chalkboard...i'm not ocd...
maybe you should have used your metronome to help you count ths one...or go back to kindergarten.
I prefer the latter. or the ladder.
Emily - I think maybe you have been living in Alaska for too long.
Emily at her prime!
A few Christmases ago I asked my parents to get me nothing but a large, triangular wooden Whittner metronome, one with a nice pendulum to watch. I cost something like a million dollars.
I have two others, a Dr. Beat (with dead batteries, but it can go up to something like 330 beats a second) and then an old Tempus that I can stuff in my case -- it gives a nice loud tick with a red light.
I love old-fashioned one best, though. Rhythm needs motion, yes?
Thank you for this list, Emily. Now that I don't have to practice excerpts, I will be looking at all these other uses for my metronomic machinery...
How about 223: Tormenting cats ?
Sydney, you are entertaining enough as it is!
Danielle, the numbers are good. You can relax now, I promise.
Laurie, I do hope your audition went well. I bet you're relieved.
Wanda, #233 ...gnitnuoC
Tom, you're right. 7 years is too long. 6 would have been perfect. Now I must stay for 28. That will be perfect, too. :)
Keith, I don't have a cat, so I haven't gotten to try that out. I don't know if it's morally acceptable to buy a cat for the primary purpose of torturing.
To truly be great, one must overcome at least one nemesis.
did you ever study the Diffie-Helman function? Very efficient to hide an information.
My cat gets mesmerized watching my mechanical metronome. He sits about 6 inches away and follows each beat with his head. At least this keeps him from chasing after my bow...
Soren, #227 and #229 are currently involved in a Diffie-Hellman encryption process. Shh, it's a secret.
From Kevin Kil
Posted on April 27, 2006 at 1:07 PM
wow.. I better try now :)
Good to see that someone is thinking outside the box, coming up with all these new ways of fully utilising the under-utilised musical equipment.
Tell me, what tempo should I use if I want to communicate with the dead? I'd like to get in touch with Oistrakh!
Your metronome should tell you. Each one is different.
Emily, I like #61, but you should have listed it several times. Your list is a prime example of creativity.
My very favorite prime is rib.
This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.