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Emily Grossman


October 12, 2006 at 3:59 AM

One day, when I was in college, friendly group conversation wandered to the topic of PEZ candy. Doe-eyed, I remarked that I'd never heard of PEZ. The disbelief that this statement flourished amongst my peers was so great that I vowed that very day never, ever, to eat PEZ. Though at times I was held to the floor and tortured, and dark days brought my morality to lowly thoughts of PEZ, still I kept my PEZ chastity. It was difficult, but I survived, and post-college life proved to be largely devoid of the curious temptation.

I don't know, then, how the package of PEZ ended up on my bathroom floor two years ago, but it had nothing to do with me; this, I know. Every week, when I stashed my scattered laundry and ran the vacuum, I would carefully maneuver around the PEZ, which remained half-obscured by the overhanging sink cupboard. Once a week, the floor became lint and clutter free--with the exception of the singular PEZ package, still lurking at the edge of the sink.

Temporarily the sole occupant of my household, I have become acutely aware of all happenings that were not the result of my own actions. I know when my magazines have been perused by an idle parent. I take note when a student has spit something in the sink without washing it down. I notice when pockets have been emptied of candy wrappers into my wastebasket. So this morning when I glanced at my toes while brushing my teeth, the mangled PEZ wrapper caught my eye, even though it peeked out from the exact same location that it had the past 730 days. Someone--or something--ate the PEZ.

It's in there now, the hollow shell that once held all that is PEZ, and I still don't know what it tastes like.

From Stephen Brivati
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 5:01 AM
I`d come across references to `Tootsie Rolls` in American literature everynow and again. For years I wondered in my idle moments what they were. One finally cropped up in someones desk in Japan for reasonn I am unable to explain. It eneded up in front of me and as I took a tentative nibble I relaised i had discovered the most disguting, puke provoking, primeval sludge filled bit of major unko on the face of the earth. So chewy and tenacious is it that I could imagine it clogging the intestines and bringing on an early death within minutes.
I`m ordering boxloads for my least favorite colleagues.
From Emily Grossman
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 5:10 AM
"Whatever it is I think I see becomes a Tootsie Roll to me."

Someone told me PEZ tastes like Necco candy. If so, I'm not missing much. Necco tastes like flavored chalk. (...although I used to eat chalk when I was little.) Judging by the flavor of that old school candy, I believe all the "when I was your age" stories the grandparents tell me. Boy, they must've had it rough back then.

From Pieter Viljoen
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 6:27 AM
I still remember the first day I tried cocaine. It was great. Give in Emily.
From Stephen Brivati
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 7:02 AM
neko (necco) in Japanese is cat. Presumably its a dead one.
From Pauline Lerner
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 7:06 AM
Why did you save the PEZ for so long? Forget it and eat chocolate.
From Tom Holzman
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 1:12 PM
You did not miss anything. PEZ had little to offer other than sugar. Neccos were actually superior, but they did not have a whole lot to offer either.
From jennifer steinfeldt warren
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 5:17 PM
This is why I love My chucklings from my spot sprawled out behind my computer, visible, but not the text...I know my husband must wonder what is so funny about the violinist lot....discussing bow holds and rosin and teaching and sitz bones. If he only knew...he he.

The perfect remedy to an accidental ingestion of Tootsie Rolls is, of course, Prunes.

Or a 32 oz. bottle of prune juice.

Emily, your sense of humour keeps me on the seat of my chair reading blogs.
What would happen if a cat ate PEZ? What is pez, exactly anyway? A halloween give-out that requires a special canister for delivery? But the actual candy is??

Tootsie rolls are disaster for those wearing braces. And it isn't worth the trouble, as, say....a caramel square would be. Not that I have braces anymore. 5 years was enough.


From Tom Holzman
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 6:22 PM
Jennifer - a PEZ is a small, rectangular, flavored sugar candy that comes out of a small plastic dispenser. The cat would survive eating a PEZ.
From Linda Lerskier
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 8:44 PM
I don't eat the PEZ. Only the plastic dispenser. I prefer the one shaped like a witch-- it turns your teeth green.
From Stephen Brivati
Posted on October 12, 2006 at 11:21 PM
that is alnmost certianly the safest thing to do.The same applies to a great deal of breakfast cereal.
From Kelsey Z.
Posted on October 13, 2006 at 1:38 AM
PEZ is not worth the effort to eat. It's worth the effort though with the little funky flip a head dispensers though! I have goofy from the loony tunes!
From Sean Gillia
Posted on October 13, 2006 at 1:44 PM
From the Seinfeld episode, "The Pez Dispenser"

Jerry: So he starts to get up. He spots the Pez dispenser on the coffee table.
George: Ah, ah, Pez dispenser.
Jerry: He picks it up… he stares at it… It's like he's hypnotized by it. Then he's telling us this story about how when he was a kid he was in the car with his father, and his father was trying to load one of them.
George: Well, they're hard to load.
Jerry: Tell me something I don't know. So as the father's trying to load it, he loses control of the car and it crashes into a high school cafeteria. Nobody's hurt, but PEZ is all over the car. And the dispenser was destroyed virtually beyond recognition.
George: Poor kid.
Jerry: So as he's telling the story, he starts crying.
George: What did you do?
Jerry: What do you think? I gave him my Pez dispenser.
George: Wow.
Jerry: Two hours later he checks into Smither's clinic. I talked to the doctor yesterday. He's doing great on the rehab. He's hooked on Pez. He's eating them like there's no tomorrow.
From Sean Gillia
Posted on October 13, 2006 at 1:49 PM
I guess I should have added that the above incident occurred during a drug "intervention."

A testament to the mystical power of Pez and those miraculous dispensers.

In that same episode, I should also add that Jerry leans over and offers Elaine a pez from the dispenser during a piano recital -- the sight of which in that context causes her to burst out laughing and ruin the concert.

A testament to the dark side of pez.

From Emily Grossman
Posted on October 13, 2006 at 6:26 PM
Seinfeld? I should have known.

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