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January 2009

Tomorrow may never come....

January 30, 2009 16:21

Those words are dangerous. Those words are sobering. Those words are life-changing. Those words are forever burned into my memory.

Before she even spoke her first sentence, a tear began to form. The fluid full of sorrow swarming, waiting to be unleashed. As the tear broke and began to flow down her cheek, it was as if with each droplet, a part of this eternal sadness was released.
She was a loving parent.  Her life was complete. She never thought this would happen to her. She was the mother of Chelsea Smith-Peaslee.
It all started with one rumor; the creators having no idea what turmoil this would produce. This made her so depressed at school. Her father wanted her to go to her cousin’s house for a day or two so she could get her mind off of school. On the night of December 1st 2007, Chelsea and her cousin snuck out of the house to meet some friends. When they reached the freeway, they were confronted with the fence. They decided to hop it because they wanted to get to the mall faster. As they started across the freeway, Chelsea got scared and tried to go back. She was hit by a drunk driver and killed instantly. Her cousin had to drag the body across the road; screaming, begging for help… To receive none.
I think this is one of the most amazing examples of how it takes one small incident, one person, one rumor to disrupt an entire state of being; on the most extreme level, taking a life.
“Her friends said she would never do that because her mom would kill her…but her mom didn’t have to kill her because somebody else did” she said.
Today, her mother came to my school to speak. This week being Safety Week… We’ve been encouraged to buckle our seatbelt every single time we get into a car. I now will. It takes an experience like this to make a concept engraved into one’s thinking. With each word out of her mouth, a shiver of sadness was shot into my own heart. It takes a lot for a person’s words to strike me so deep. I was moved to chills and overwhelmed so much by the emotion flowing out of this woman’s mouth as if directly from deep inside her soul. It brings a certain realness to me. The road Chelsea was killed on is one myself and my family have traveled on. The place she was trying to reach is one I’ve been to many times. Her school in the same district as mine.
…Just an experience I had today and thought I’d share…

6 replies | Archive link

You can hear silent things on the other side of the everyday world that no one else can

January 25, 2009 09:47

That's a great qoute, isn't it? It's simply out of the novel that I'm currently reading.

It's obvious to all of us, that once you become a musician your life is never the same. You pick up on things others never will notice. You become more sophisticated. You also develop this lifetime relationship with a partner.

Our instrument does so much for us. It becomes a companion in which we find comfort, joy, sadness and pain. An ability to share emotion with the world. Always there never to complain. There for us to create amazing things.

When playing The Lark Ascending, I blend with my violin. I am raised above everything as the melody soars to new heights and lows. Maybe one of the reasons I enjoy this piece so much is because of the symbolism that lay beneath.

In the opening, the lark is taking flight. The main theme, the beat of the lark's wings. As things accelerate, the lark is carried higher and higher until it reaches above. Dancing about the clouds until at the end of the piece, the lark melts into the horizon ever so delicately.

When I play this piece, magical things happen to me. I get chills, and when I reach the most dramatic parts, I lose my breath and my heart seems to stop beating in the moment.

My connection with music is so unlike anything I've ever experienced in life. I love my violin, without it all of me would be gone. What would I turn to for comfort? Where would my motivation lay? What else would I be doing for 2-4 hours every day? What would I dream about? Where would my goals be?

What is your connection with music? Why do you chose to practice so vigorously? What pushes you? What is the most amazing thing that music has ever given to you? I want to know. I think all of our connections with music are so unique that they may never be connected. Though I could be extremely wrong in the sense.

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A Day of Smiles Carried with the Wind

January 20, 2009 10:48

As I watched the inauguration confused feelings swelled within me. Flowing like a swarm of bees.

During this whole presidential race, all I’ve heard when Obama’s name is mentioned is “the first” or “a change in our country is brought with his presence because he’s colored”. I don’t know what to feel when hearing things like that. Yes, he is African American. Does that matter? I feel shame for our country when we still have thoughts like this. I don’t look at anyone as colored or non. No one in my eyes is defined as Asian, Black, White, Hispanic. People are people. That is all.
My own thoughts fought in my head over what is mind and what is heart.
I saw so many amazing things this day. Images that shall remain in my heart for ever.
The American Flag seemed to never stop its constant flow; something that almost never happens. The Lincoln Bible tucked to Michelle Obama’s body. People who just met, shall remain friends forever. Air and Simple Gifts performed by some of the World’s most famous performers.
I saw the most dignified look on Yo-Yo Ma’s face as he looked into Perlman’s eyes; proud to be an American. I saw how music touches everyone. Ma dancing with his cello. Perlman swaying in the comfort of his violin. Then as cameras changed to a small child, I really appreciated the look in his eyes when he heard the music. He was stuck in a gaze, simply to take in that which is around him.
I then saw the smile on Michelle Obama’s face; so proud of her wonderful husband. Emotions only a smile can express.
During his oath, I learned that even the President can get nervous. I learned what an amazing man he is. Someone who would journey all walks of life. He appreciates classical music. He appreciates all history and the importance of it not repeating itself. He appreciates all views. Most importantly, he appreciates me as much as every next American.
With the change of our country, I found change and maturity in myself. As my father saw Itzhak Perlman, he said “That’s going to be you one day”. I shrugged him off with a smirk. But I know that’s where I want to be. Playing alongside some of the most important people of my generation. Playing to so many. Obama delivered his feelings and thoughts with words, I deliver mine with music.
I looked into so many people’s eyes this day. The things I saw? Fear, trust, and hope.  

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Au Revoir,

January 10, 2009 08:19


I have had an excellent time here, enjoying every moment. But I have come to the difficult conclusion that I must cut back on my posts here. I’ve started, and commented on too many discussions, and posted too many blogs!

Although my presence here was of no importance, I will remember many of you for a lifetime. I would like to say thank you to Laurie for producing this wonderful website and featuring my blogs. I would like to say thank you to Pauline for commenting on my writings so often, I have really appreciated it, you are an amazing lady. To Buri, for helping me solve problems and further find solutions when asked, as well for all the laughs! To Larisa, who commented so often on things produced by me, and talked to me so much through email those first few days! To Anne-Marie, who shared my views on many things and always took the time to comment on my writings and share her very insightful thoughts. And a general thanks to all of you who have ever commented on discussions I started, asking for help, and for past blogs I’ve written. I really will miss you all.

This is not a forever-good bye. I will return, and hopefully very soon. I just feel that a change of pace is needed in things.

You are all amazing people and those in your lives are so lucky to have you! You have truly enriched my life and I’m so happy to have met all of you that I have.

With my return, I hope to bring recordings to share with you, and better writings. My leave, like I said will be very short and I will return soon. A break from this place is needed, and that is all.

I wish all of you to have amazing experiences.

Jusqu’à ce que nous nous réunissons a nouveau, au revoir

6 replies | Archive link

Lost and trying to find myself

January 9, 2009 07:41

It's a terrible, but necessary thing that every person must do through out their lives. I am going through this now and find myself wondering if this will be a lifetime journey.

I sit here, as I do in almost a ritualistic manner looking out into the world. This time I'm not observing. I am searching.

Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Where will I be in five years? 10? 20?

Within this very spot in my room, so much happens. I sit here to write, pouring my thoughts into paper. I sit here to play , pouring my thoughts into sound. Such a simplistic concept and place continues to produce amazing and complicated things.

Today as I sit, things are differeent. I occasionally gaze out as if looking for answers.

Life constantly throws curveballs, doesn't it?Just as I think I've found what i'm looking for, I get a slap in the face in the form of "No. Not yet."

I continue down this road of life looking for direction while recieving almost none.

Time continues to fold in on itself. As I peer out, I see much symbolism to match what is happening.The Mail Carrier delivering packages and envelopes as she has for years. Never to learn what contents lay inside. Some that could change or ruin a life- never to learn of what her deliverence brings. The snow melting. Water drips from tree branches and brick. Seeping like tears from a child's eyes. With each droplet something is lost to be forgotten and missed by none. This pattern will be relaced and milled over with time.

Everything changes. Everything moves on.

Yet nothing is left to be as it would without this constant interuption.

This interution shapes that which is, that which has been, and that which will never be.

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Monday's Sorrow brings Reflection

January 5, 2009 16:28

Today was a day of reflection for myself. I am almost half-way through the school year. I feel like time is passing by me so fast, yet it creeps so slowly.

I feel stuck in this state of time; though it's as if I don't want to be torn away from it.

Within this, there is something special.

One day in Summer, a neighbor heard me playing. He stopped what he was doing and stood outside by my window. The sound from this instrument composed of wood and strings brought such pleasure to a person when my bow touched the strings. It was a shocking thing to me. I've never had someone drop everything to just stop and listen.

To this day he visits to stand and listen. In the most undisturbing manor possible. Only to break his silence to say: "Beautiful. Just beautiful, Paul". And then I usually have to go on telling him I won't give up this "gift" he's so convinced I have. The word "gift" and it's relation to music means a lot of things to me. I feel that the gift of music is not to have extraordinary talent which trumps all other, but rather the ability to play music and share it with others. In some ways, an audience of one is much more than an audience of one thousand.

Touching the heart of one, instead of playing for one thousand and nothing moving not one person is a major difference to me.

With these reflections comes insight into the things I persue and produce. As I practice The Lark Ascending, preparing, waiting for the day I can share it. A conductor on my left and an orchestra behind me are a powerful thing and I await the day that it will happen.

As I continue to work diligently in the manner I almost always do, I'm trying to be more careful, take time, and take in things.

1 reply | Archive link

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