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Paul G.


December 12, 2008 at 5:21 PM

I've had friends and family start to ask me what I want for Christmas. My answer: Nothing! This is the first time I've ever had this feeling and it's kind of wierd, but welcomed in my opinion.

It seems like since the funeral which took place a few weeks ago, and being sick, I've really had a different outlook on things. I haven't been eating regularly, and some days only once a day; what that has to do with this I don't know. I've been trying to smile when I can. I've been biting my lip and trying not to complain when a situation I don't agree with arises. And most importantly, I've been stopping to take in the things around me.

Life has it's things that come up; I may not like them, I may flat out hate them. But I've decided to get over that.

I was asked in an assignment recently: "What are you most afraid of?". My answer: "Losing it all". My answer has a lot of meanings. The top being losing a family member. That is absolutely my worst fear in life. I've recently gotten over losing a "distant" family member fairly easy, but if it was someone like one of my parents I don't know what I would do. The other part being "losing it all". Interpret that however you want because I don't really know a way to communicate it to you other than those words.

With my answer to "What do you want for Christmas?" being nothing, people keep saying "Well there has to be something!!!" But theres not. I seriously can't think of one material thing I want and I have nothing to ask for. It feels like my life is "full" for the first time ever. I don't feel that there is anything I need that I don't have. I can only ask for something to be fixed with one of my family members. But sadly I know that Christmas Wish wont come true.

So I guess it's taken fifteen years of life for me to come to the conclusion that Christmas and The Holidays aren't about getting presents? 

From Anne-Marie Proulx
Posted on December 12, 2008 at 7:34 PM

Interesting!  In answer to these question, I often say things such as talent, time, vacations, intelligence etc The people look at me wirdly and I laugh and respond, of course you can't buy those at Wal-Mart!


From Tom Holzman
Posted on December 12, 2008 at 8:03 PM

If you are thankful for the things you have, such as your family, the best present you can receive is for those things to remain with you.  I understand.

From Larisa Mihaela
Posted on December 12, 2008 at 9:25 PM



Your blog reminds me of an idea I've  read some time ago , and that transformed into my living motto for a while: Happiness is not having everything you want...It is wanting everything you have .

From Paul G.
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 4:06 AM

Hi everyone, thanks for all your comments:) And Larisa, that's a wonderful qoute.

I have an essay that I wrote recently... And I think I'd like to share it just because the topic it's on is important to me. I'll put it up Sunday night because I'm trying not to flood the blog section with my blogs lately, so I've been trying to space them out... Well a little bit=)

From Tess Z
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 4:17 AM

 Welcome to being an adult.  :)

Indeed, the worst thing that can happen to anyone is to lose a parent.  You feel their loss and absence every single day.  But, you will hopefully not lose yours for many years to come, Paul.  So do enjoy your family and your good friends while they are here with you, and you with them.  Never take life for granted and live each day always trying to make a difference in someone's life.  That may be one small act of patiently holding the door for an elderly person or engaging in conversation with the loner kid at school.  Take soup over to a sick neighbor or help them shovel the snow from their doorstep.  As adults, we get so busy living our lives that we forget to be human too.  Christmas should not be about gifts and over-indulgent Christmas parties.  Peace on earth---goodwill towards men.  We all need more of that in our lives.

Happy Holidays!


From Mendy Smith
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 5:09 AM

Paul -  I understand where you are at.  Had a similar experience this past summer myself.  Puts a whole new perspective on life in general.  If your family wants to give and you aren't ready to receive, ask for charitable contributions in your name.

From Paul G.
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 5:51 AM


That's kind of what I've been trying to do. Live each day as if it were my last. That's what I told myself on the day of the funeral and it's what I've been trying to keep to.


I sort of did something like that two years ago in 8th grade.... My school did a charity called Sub for Santa and I gave something like $350 of my Christmas money to it an it all went to help buy toys for local families and to provide help to the parents who couldn't afford their children's holiday dreams. It felt really good and I was happy because I got to learn about the two families that my money went to.

From Benjamin K
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 7:21 AM

Christmas is about getting presents? And I thought it was about enjoying good food and wine with family .... silly me. 

From Royce Faina
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 12:41 PM

I don't celebrate this holliday, but another which is in Spring. I do recall that the spirit of your holliday is foremost about giving. Give those that are with you that you love a hug and reasure them that you love them. I can garantee that after you're underway something wonderful will happen :^)

Kind Regards,


From Paul G.
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 12:53 PM


I included that sentence to show change. As through a child's eyes, their main focus is presents, whether it's giving, recieving you know. But I just wanted to show the change that's taken place from the attitude I used to have, to the one I do now. Sorry if it sounded stuck up or anything like that!

From Larisa Mihaela
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 9:26 PM

Christmass is about giving ....even a hug... Hmmm...did I tell my mother I love her today? :) I should.

From Peter Kent
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 10:01 PM

...Anyone for violin talk ???  As in ???

From Paul G.
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 10:51 PM

We're allowed to go off topic every once in a while :)

From Larisa Mihaela
Posted on December 13, 2008 at 11:18 PM


You want violin talk :) . Ok... So what plans do you and your violin have for Christmass?

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on December 14, 2008 at 7:11 AM

I got disgusted with people having to buy gifts for other people who are reasonably well off financially.  For the last several years, I have done alternate giving.  I give money to a good cause that the recipient will appreciate.  If a friend's church is raising money for some charitable project, I contribute to that.  One environmental activist organization (NRDC, National Resources Defense Council)  has its own alternate giving project.  You can give money to plant a tree in the rain forest or something similar in your friend's name, and your friend will get a pretty card telling about it.  You can give gift memberships to various organizations that work to improve the quality of life; just choose one that your friend would be interested in.  There are lots of other, similar things to do for alternate giving.  I have spoken so far about things a giver can do.  Just reverse the process and think of yourself as the recipient.  You can say (use your own words), "I'm lucky.  I have everything I want.  Not everyone is so lucky.  I'd like you to make a donation to [insert name of organization or charity].  That would make me feel good."

From Elinor Estepa
Posted on December 14, 2008 at 2:36 PM

This is a "right of passag" for you Paul, being aware for the first time that you have a "full life".  Knowing that through the eyes of a child, is pretty remarkable.

Holiday seasons seems to be always a reflection of things that mattered and not, esp. now, where the economy is not pretty stable, reminding us all, that whatever we have are enough for us to be happy. Losing someone you care for is also a soul searching at some point, for we realize how important they are to our lives, though we  often neglect to acknowledged it.

Let Time and Music be your friend, for they are a great companion, give yourself time to accept whatever there is for now, and let music be your voice to express whatever you wanted to say that words can't do  it for you.

I believed that you have tremedous talents, and sensitivity to use them to your bright futures.

Be Merry! Holidays is here, and as I remember reading from one thread that you already have your Ipod phone long before Christmas, for some, it still on their wishlist.

you sure you don't want those Musafia case you been raving before? just kidding...

Happy Holidays!

From Paul G.
Posted on December 14, 2008 at 3:31 PM


Another great foundation to do these things through is the Heifer Foundation. It's really a neat project... Last year, all the people in my dad's office shared the price of a heifer. And I simply paid for a flock of chicks and a flock of ducks for about $40 and I know it changed someone's life deeply! It's just a really neat project and all the aspects of it are interesting. It was also great reading the stories of how one water buffalo can change a woman's life and the same with a herd of goats for a family.



Thanks for you comment :) Happy Holidays to you too. 

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