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November 2008

A day I'll always remember

November 25, 2008 15:08

As I mentioned in my last blog, my Great-Grandmother, Mildred passed away on Saturday evening. Today was the funeral....

As the family walked into the room, the song playing on the organ was the piece which she used to play many years ago on clarinet which I think she would have found very neat. Before the funeral, there was a video that I liked so much. I loved seeing the pictures of how she changed throughout her life. From the picture of a young girl in her sunday dress, to the picture of her standing outside her house in her hometown as young woman, to the picture of her a month ago. On physical display were photos of her through her life, and her art work. Beautiful oil paintiings on canvas. One was of a pair of swans, and another an amazing land scape. There was also an amazing quilt which she made when only 11 years old. I was impressed by all.

I walked in having aprehensive feelings, but knew I needed to be there for my family... First the normal of the Pastor or whatever, but his talking meant nothing to me. What my family members had to say did though. First, my uncle read the obituary. Then my aunt Heather bravely walked to the podium to talk about the things that her "Granny Mildred" meant to her and what she'll remember. She talked about the memories of playing around her condo and how she would always have a box of girl scout cookies in the freezer. As well as how she tought her to be whitty and instilled a sharp sense of humor in her. Then, the thing that hit me the most was how she tought her to play the harmonica over 25 years ago; and she could still remember the song that Granny tought her. She then played it today without missing a note which made some people cry.

Then my mom walked to the podium and I was very proud of her. She hates speaking in public and she thought going into this that it would be too much to handle but she managed. She talked about how when she was a child, she came up with the name "Granny" and Mildred hated it! Then she came to love it and that's what the great grandchildren like myself and the younger children, still call her today. Then she talked about how she wanted us to remember her- not the woman that struggled to remember peoples names, but the sharp, smart woman that Mildred was.

After that, my aunt Monica, and uncle Bruce stepped forward to sing Granny Mildred's favorite hymn... I couldn't tell you the title because I was so "caught up" in their beautiful singing. I was amazed of how they're voices melded together so perfectly and the emotion in the piece was obvious. By the end, my aunt Monica was in tears as she walked back to her seat. She was one of the few who shed tears today. The saddest part of today was seeing my 6 year old nephew Charlie, cry at the end of the funeral.

I'm sorry if this was a little all over the place! I struggled so hard to get this into words......

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Death

November 23, 2008 09:55

It brings sadness yet inspiration.

Last night around 7:30, my great grandma, my "granny" Mildred died. When hearing my mom and grandma speak, there wasn't sadness in my grandma Janice's voice. At first it perplexed me, then I understood. She wouldn't have wanted people to be sad. She was always cracking jokes even though her life was gone to her. Her mind had been unkindly taken for the most part because of dimentia. She didn't really know anyone lately and she probably would consider it a blessing to go. 

I haven't been sad. Just thinking. I'm going to start to be more appreciative of the things around me and be prepared to lose someone forever out of the blue. I wasn't expecting this.

I am now going to stop to notice and take in things on a deeper level. I will now be much more considerate to people and live life as if it was my last day.

A calm, forgiving mood is set upon our place of living. It is no longer a house, but a home. My brother and I are not fighting. My mom called my dad from work seeking comfort. All is calm. All is simple.

As I am typing this, I am sitting on my window bench looking out to the world. I see leaves falling to the ground in almost slow motion. My chickens prance through the leaves which have already taken their fall. The silly ducks tumble through the grass tripping over eachother, digging through dirt looking for small morsels of food. My dogs whose personalities are bigger than their physical bodies, are sitting in the sun looking proud. My beautiful, confident geese walk proud watching over all, the guardians of this paridise which I call my backyard. Such a simple scene brings such inspiration for words and thoughts.

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My actions have finally cought up with me....

November 22, 2008 15:53

Well as I've said before, I'm a very "rush-rush" person. That's cought up with me for the worse.

I wasn't feeling good yesterday morning, so I only went to school for the last period of the day so that I could pick up assignments and I had a commitment in orchestra and didn't want to let my chamber group down.

I couldn't read the music which was maybe four feet away from me.. It was blurry and my eyes wouldn't focus on it. I went home feeling very dizzy... I only found it in me to practice for fifteen minutes because it was hurting me and I felt so dizzy. Well I layed down and just watched tv for the rest of the night because doing anything else gave me bad headaches.

This morning, after getting out of the shower I felt so dizzy and had an imminent feeling that something was to happen and then I fell to the ground and layed there for ten minutes scared to move because I did not want to pass out or something of that sort.

I'm not sure if I've just been over-working myself, and happened to get sick with something and I'm just having a really bad time with it, or if it's something much worse.

But I definately know now what my body can take and when I have to know to stop... And now I've got symptoms like headaches, being dizzy, coughing, wanting to vomit, no energy and extremely tired.

8 replies | Archive link


The "Powder Attacks" Hit Home...

November 18, 2008 15:33

-I don't want this blog to turn into a political wildfire so as soon as someone posts an offensive comment I'll delete it. And if it gets out of control I'll delete the entire blog-

First, a little background... I recently finished reading a play called Inherit The Wind. Inherit The Wind is fictionalized on account of the 1925 Scopes "Monkey" Trial. It's changed me. The way  Henry Drummond, the defense attorney of Bertram Cates, sees things has given me a new way of looking at others. Before blowing off a religion or anything in life, I will read and learn about all the options and make my decision. I would reccomend reading this to anyone looking to become a truly better person.

It kind of pisses me off how ignorant some children who have had religion shoved down their throats are. Please don't misunderstand; I'm not stating that one thing is right and the other wrong; I'm simply telling you what has happened to me.

Saying "it kind of pisses me off how ignorant some children who have had religion shoved down their throats are", was because of what I've heard today.

An envelope was delivered to the Seminary building next to the Junior High, which is just down the street from my school. At first, rumors were flying around saying it contained white powder. People were saying "The gays are attacking! The gays are attacking!" Which made me mad. As everyone knows, suspicious packages have been sent to the LDS temple in Salt Lake City, and one in California. And accusations are being made that the packages were sent by members of the gay community.

I just can't stand how I'm surrounded by people who are only willing to accept one view of life, and consider everything else wrong. I see this apply everywhere... In my history class, before the election, the teacher held a vote asking who would would vote for Obama, and who would vote for McCain. Guess who won... 3 people said they would vote for Obama, the rest of the class said McCain, because that's what their parents told them they should do. And then when the teacher held a vote for who would support and oppose Proposition 8, every student in the class raised their hand to support. I was disgusted and refused to vote.

I don't believe anyone should be denied any right in any situation in life. It makes me sad that people only believe one view and will not listen to others. Utah is very LDS. The LDS way of thinking is that marriage should be between only a man and woman; and this belief is passed down to children.

In my opinion, if anyone is denying any person eqaul rights, we might as well be back before Civil Rights. Do those like Rosa Parks, and Martin Luther King who fought so hard, mean nothing anymore? I don't see a difference in denying someone something because of their sexuality, and denying someone something because of their skin color.

I know that I am taking a huge risk by posting this, but I just can't take it anymore! I need to get out of Utah....

8 replies | Archive link


Musical depression and a new promise...

November 11, 2008 22:03

This blog is sort of linked to the "You suck. Start over" blog. But I am in an overall life depression! And it's killing my music! All I've played today is the most depressing songs and I'm like crying through my violin... I played hardly anything off of sheet music and it's like everything else was from inside me. I'm also lacking motivation to even play and I only had it in me to play for 45 minutes today besides the hour and a half in orchestra...

Well, I've kind of had a very personal journal for years... I call it my black book because of the memories it holds. There are 134 pages which eqaul 96 bad memories because some of them are multiple pages. I would be horrified and feel very violated if someone found it and read it as I believe it is the most private thing I've ever started.

But to the point, I've decided that I will start a different journal. Not here on violinist.com because I don't think everyone would want to know what happens to me everyday... But I will write it in a normal book and start it on the day after New Year's. Never to miss a day. Even if it's the stupidest thing ever that happens to me that day, I'll still write it down. I think it's a great thing and that everyone should have something like it.

3 replies | Archive link


Violinist.com, I love you! & finger rehab?

November 10, 2008 19:58

Ah, I don't think I could even come up with the reasons why I love this site so much. I love how much there is to see, and how I'm getting to know people better and better each day.

There's Buri, the character, yet very informative.Emily,  who is an amazing artist in many more ways than just the violin and always leaves a little one liner that's funny. Brian who gives us an insight to his experiences. Mr. Jerald Archer, who always leaves an instructive comment. And Mendy, who gives us an idea of the violist's view. These are just a few of the people who I can think of at the moment... The rest of you, write more blogs and you'll stick out!

I also love the the discussion board. If it's not a question or experience I post, there's always something from someone else that I love hearing about and the comments that everyone has on it. I learn so much.

You may be wondering what's with the second part of the title. Let me tell you.

First off, I rush absolutely everything in life, and I'm always in a hurry. This, along with being impatient are my biggest faults. So when I was practicing last night, I was turning the page (fast), and cut my index finger on the left hand... Wow has it been fun trying to play today... I tried without the band-aid, OWW. I tried with the band-aid, pain was a little less, but was made difficult by the slippery surface which made shifting to the right spot almost impossible. And I don't know what to do! It's not like I can stop playing all together, but if I do play, the skin won't be able to heal because of the back-and-forth motion of vibrato... Lose-lose situation in my eyes. Who would think a simple paper cut could cause so much trouble for a violinist? I also had some of the same experiences in band when I played trumpet, ever tried to play with a cold sore? 

Oh well, kind of a random blog and all over the place.

2 replies | Archive link


"You suck. Start over"

November 8, 2008 18:52

Is what I found myself saying today.

I've been having some off days of practice and just wanting to quit. So i took every piece of my current repertoire and stuck it in a pile in the corner of my desk and didn't look back. I then dug into my sheet music cabinet and found my suzuki books that I haven't touched for months. I pulled out book four and started on the first piece, the third movement from the Seitz Concerto No.2; I didn't move on til I could play it perfect Then I went to the third movement of the Concerto No.5 by Seitz as well. I refused to go on until I played every stacotto crisp, every double stop clean and intonation well. Then I went to the Concerto in A Minor by Vivaldi and played through the first movement, fixing a few rythmic problems. I then went to the third movement and played through it struggling a little, but got it eventually.

Then I was done with the Suzuki.

I went back to Canzonetta and found my intonation problems no longer an issue, and I had better bow control. I also was holding the half notes for the correct amount of time instead of rushing them, and the trills were stronger, yet refined if that makes sense to you.

Do musicians get the equivalent of 'writers block"? A lack of motivation, not wanting to even try etc... I don't have an answer for that, but if I had to, I would say in my case, yes, certainly. So I spent the day going back to simpler pieces and that helped on more complicated repertoire. But Sonata 1 by Bach is still giving me unbelieveable loads of trouble. I'm going to go through everything much slower tomorrow and on Adadgio I am going to make every chord and double stop sound perfect, and get the rythms down. And for Presto, well the only thing I can do there is go through very, very slow. I'm not going to start playing Fuga for a very long time. I would compare it to the "younger sibling" of Chaccone as far as difficulty goes.

I've been so busy with friends being at war and wanting to kill eachother (ME being stuck in the middle)  as well as practicing, and school, that I think I've set a world record among teenagers being that it's been over a week since I've watched one minute of TV. Wish I could say the same about using the computer!!

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You really have to give everything a chance...

November 7, 2008 14:49

Well, The  Four Seasons have never really interested me enough to take the time to listen to them. Until today. A few days ago I downloaded Janine Jansen's Vivaldi album... I wasn't having the best day, and so I found a place away from everything and everyone at lunch, and sat down and listened.

I now think Vivaldi was a genius. If I close my eyes, the notes take me away. They have just enough things going on in them as not to drive me crazy like Bach tends to do. I now love these pieces. They have many qualities that I like; on some movements, I can't differentiate the solo violinist from the orchestra. On others, the music paints a picture to me. Well, after I had listened to much of The Four Seasons, I was set into a different mood that I still haven't lost. I can't decide if I wan't to be sad, or happy.... As you can tell, this blog is kind of all over the place.

It just kind of re-affirms what is always told to you as a child "Give everything a chance, even if it's only once". If I wasn't having such a bad day, I probably wouldn't have been sat down and listened to them. I'm thinking I'll have to start doing this with other things. For instance, I have Hilary Hahn's Schoenberg and Sibelius album, and have only listened to the Sibelius. I listened to less than a minute of the first movement of the Schoenberg  and couldn't stand anymore. Even if it drives me nuts, I'm determined to give it a chance.

So this was just an experience that happened to me today, and how music changed me more, yet again.

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I can't believe it! Well, actually I can...

November 3, 2008 10:31

Last night, I was thinking about, and looking at how much "electronic stuff" I use everyday.

The list goes on and on. I don't even want to try to add up, I'm sure if I thought about everything from the laptop to the alarm clock I use, the list would be well over 30.

And then I started thinking about how much I use my computer, and how much I use my phone. Now keep in mind, it's not like I have the thing stuck to my ear 24/7, I text not call! Haha. But it is pretty crazy considering my brother uses over 8,000 minutes every month talking and I send on average about 14,000 text messages. Then I compare that to my dad who usually sends like 5 if he can even figure it out :).

And then I started thinking about how everyone always says that this is the "ME Generation"; I agree. It sort of shocked me when I thought about how selfish I am. I have to have the "new phone" every six months... How I got my first phone in 5th grade. Then when I got the Video iPod as soon as it came out, and then last night bought the iPod Touch even though my iPod Video works just fine... Don't even ask me what kind of car I'll be getting....

Just some things to think about.

Certainly makes you wonder.

6 replies | Archive link


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