“Oh, you’re from Michigan- do you know Jimmy-What’s-His-Name?” my standpartner asked me, as we were finding our stand on stage. Unfortunately, I felt my chance of hitting it off with my standpartner slipping away, because no, I didn’t know Jimmy-What’s-his-Name, in fact I didn’t have any friends in that orchestra we were talking about.
We’ve all been there: when meeting someone new, we dig into each other’s resume of schooling, festivals and youth orchestras, looking for a mutual friend that will give us something to talk about. Because relationships connect us all-they are the fabric of our memorable experiences. And finding a mutual friend usually reminds us happy times, funny stories, and infamous quotes we can share with our new acquaintance. It’s a launching pad for hopefully another friendship.
But after graduating from school, making friendships with colleagues is a whole new challenge. There are a lot of potentially awkward dynamics to navigate, and managing your social avatars has only made things more difficult. But despite the challenges, having friendships at your gigs makes “going to work” a much more enjoyable, inspiring, and pleasant place to be.
In addition to the personal reasons, friendships are essential for getting more work. Musicians are more likely to send a gig to, or recommend someone they like and trust, rather than to somebody who may be an awesome player, but a jerk.
The problem is: Musicians are not that good at making friends. Let’s be real here. We’re good at spending prolonged periods of time in very small rooms, often looking into a mirror and listening to recordings of ourselves. On top of that, most gigs are not good social gathering places. You only have a few minutes beforehand to warm up, 15 minutes at the break to go to the restroom, get some water, turn in some paperwork, and as soon as it’s over, everybody races to their car. So how do we do it?
Well, that’s what we discuss in our 10th episode of the podcast.
LISTEN TO THE PODCAST BELOW:
Per Service Podcast Episode 10
Here are some the main points from our discussion:
Some Good Advice:
Some Considerations:
Quick Tips:
You can learn more about our podcast at http://www.perservice.co
Be Well and Practice Well,
-Michael O'Gieblyn
All great advice!
I'm on my 3rd city in 8 years (moved for ex-spouse job), and I can tell you it's hard not to talk too much or overdo it because the need to network is overwhelming. I've learned to just let it happen and let my playing and reliability speak for themselves.
Network without pushing. Tough to achieve.
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June 1, 2016 at 06:06 PM · i was right there with you until- "There are some extra precautions women should be aware of when attempting to make friends. Over doing it can easily be confused with being flirtatious. Men might not have a problem with that, but the other women in the ensemble might have issues with that."
seriously?! What's with the double standard?? And the heteronormative assumptions. UGH