I always wondered what it was about the two year mark that determined whether someone made a greater commitment to the violin, or walked away. It has been 21 months since I started learning, and I get it now.
At some point in the journey something happened. My ear advanced far beyond my capability. Although everyone who has heard me insists that I am continuing to improve, I feel as if I am going backwards.
It doesn't help that everything gets substantially harder and longer in Suzuki book four. Nor does it help that stressors in my life are currently coming from every possible direction with unprecedented vigor. Frankly, that's just how things go sometimes. We get through the rough spots. But having the violin, the one real thing I do just for me, cause so much struggle and heartache at the same time as life's hard knocks is frustrating.
Playing the violin is always a choice, unlike parenting a sullen pre-teen, coping with office politics, or even dealing with the doggone burst pipe (thanks for nothing, polar vortex). It's something I'm planning to keep in my life. However, I feel as if I need to reevaluate. Perhaps slowing down, or even changing directions for a while will help me regain my footing and allow my technique to catch up. I'm sure my teacher will have good advice.
Honestly, I'm not sure what the answer is. Sadly, that's where being a late starter really leaves you hanging. There are no peers, no ensemble partners, nobody to kvetch with in the cafeteria. It's easy to feel adrift.
More entries: April 2014 January 2014
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