December 2008

with eyes wide shut.

December 30, 2008 19:50

It's almost 2009 and the best way I can think to approach the new year is to close my eyes, bend my knees and jump feet first in. In past, new years has always been a fairly laid back day where I've began to anticipate all the possible adventures that are to be had. Would I be prepared for my auditions? Would I get in anywhere (hey, this is a serious question - I've got all rejection letters before and that bites!)? Would I make an unlikely friend? Would I help someone achieve their goal (more so when I was teaching than now)? So many questions.... but the most important question, I suppose, would be Would I achieve my personal goals this year and still remember how to be a compassionate human being (and friend!) and have fun while I'm at it? And so far.... mostly... I think I've been able to do that. 10 years ago if you asked this little goofy 10 year old who refused to practice and just wanted to play Bach what her biggest dream was for the years ahead, she probably would have said something about playing with an orchestra and getting over her nerves of performing (and probably moving in with her best friend Hannah) and maybe to throw in a stuffed animal or two.....and some candy, if you pleased. Sir. I don't remember if I got the stuffed animals, I'm sure I got the candy, and in the years since I turned 10, I have played with many orchestras and I have pretty much conquered my nerves (unless you're talking about sightsinging exams.... ). I've grown a lot (literally and figuratively). I've gained new perspective and insight. I've changed in a lot of ways and in other ways, I'm still that goofy 10 year old who doesn't want to practice her scales and Suzuki books. My dreams for 2009 are much different from when I was 10 years old but when it comes down to it, I would welcome, with open arms, the candy, the stuffed animal and the opportunity to continue playing and do what I love to do. I want to continue to be that happy 10 year old who dreams of achieving big things and proving to herself that it only takes a little bit of courage and strength in yourself to go far. 2009 scares the heck out of me for so many reasons, but if I can hold onto my kid at heart, buried somewhere in there underneath all this "grown-up" stuff, I know it will be a great year.
Happy 2009 everyone. Make your dreams come true.





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