June 2009

Dafka

June 19, 2009 13:16

The only thing more insane than needing shoulder surgery once, is needing shoulder surgery twice. Particularly if you're a violinist, particularly if it's the SAME operation because the first surgeon did it incorrectly the first time, and particularly if you got both operations in less than 4 years of one another, all within your 20s.

I studied with a teacher who once told me, "if you want to make the gods laugh, tell them your plans." I didn't really know what he meant by it at the time, but right now, as I'm only 12 weeks post-op and unable to play yet, I think I have a pretty good grasp on those words.

Fortunately, in my culture, there is a word called Dafka. It can have many meanings, but one of them means strong and stubborn. Also "in spite of." It is not always a desirable trait, but one I'm told I had in spades, growing up. Right now, I am grateful for whatever combination of genetics allowed me to be so stubborn. Because--here is the most insane part--it seems like the more operations I've needed, and even now, unable to play at all, that I am more determined and convinced than ever to be a violinist. The threat of having something taken away from you seems to add a broader depth to musical interpretation (so I think). Is this insanity? Or just Dafka?

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