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Peformance dilemas

August 1, 2008 at 5:01 AM

Well recently I've been having alot of violin related dreams - mostly to do with the same thing. Peforming in front of people.

Now, my issue is - for starters its not even me playing the violin, but someone else who in my life probably doesn't even know WHAT the violin is (Hey I didn't know of its existance till I was in year 10) sometimes they peform on it excellent or just plain suck. Anywho - in one of the dreams, my step-father was playing the violin - after his peformance he came up to me and said "Your an idiot for not peforming!", subsequently - in my next dream (ooo inter-relatedness) I lost my violin on public transport but it made its way back to me, one of my friends tried playing on it in public but was really sucky - I kinda shied away and pretended I didn't even know how to play, but was relieved that I found my violin again.

In my waking life - I do feel the anxiety, and I REAALLYY want to peform but am I just putting excuses here? My pieces/segments/themes (etc etc) that I practise are really just mostly for the technical experience, nothing I'd be too proud of peforming for people.

Sometimes I have friends asking me to peform for them, but in the end I weasle myself out of it - they probably think I don't even play violin (lol), but the way I see it is - If I am going to do it I want to atleast leave a good impression. Maybe I am being too vain? I could run of a billion excuses not to peform and not a single one I want to. I guess I just feel too shy with my pieces - though its the opposite when I'm with my teacher (I guess this is just a normal thing then?)

But how to put up with the pressure? Those who know what to look for see a talented individual, others don't. I don't like to see myself as a people pleaser - I am definantly not playing the violin for the benefits of amazing others I feel I do have a genuine love for the classics and violin itself (ooooo violin porn) - but again I just contradict myself, I feel I'd only ever peform pieces to other people when I can play at a high level.

Its always been an inner concern and im sure it is for many, however if I knew some of those ideal pieces I want to peform maybe I'd be happy to look like a fool stuffing up Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in front of the nation.

As per-usual I think I just confused myself too much, in a nonesense endless sequence of words. Yeah, get used to it hahaha. Sometimes I wake up lost, I'm going to be one of those rambling old people one day. I suppose you get over it once you get better hey?

I can only laugh at these wasted words on the net hahaha. Its like a two sided arguement but only one person fighting. No one wonder people keep me around its like cheap entertainment.... Oh great I called myself cheap.

I just hope I'm like this because of the weather! Yeah blame the world, its not my fault damn it.

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on August 3, 2008 at 1:24 AM
This kind of anxiety stuff is actually self doubt, sometimes justified, sometimes not but conditioned into you.
From Patty Rutins
Posted on August 5, 2008 at 7:59 PM
My teacher always told me that it's better to play an easy piece well than a harder piece poorly. Find an easy piece that you like -- say, a folk tune that you're comfortable with; "O Come Little Children", "Alouette", or "Shenandoah" perhaps, or whatever you like. Memorize it, play it as a warm-up when you practice, and just get it into your fingers as something easy and fun. Then, when a friend asks you to play something, you can whip out your fiddle and play that song. As long as you make music, your listeners will be impressed. You don't have to play a Paganini Caprice in order to please your friends.

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