I've been struggling with practicing for a long time now. I've never been good at practice consistently through my nine years of playing, but I got by. Now, I'm preparing for college auditions. I've wanted to go into music for a long time now, but now at this point in my life, I'm not sure. It's become obvious to me that nothing I've been doing is good enough. I know what I need to do but for some reason, it's difficult for me. I'm frustrated because I want to be a professional violinist and I can barely practice once a day for more than an hour. The last time I practiced, which was earlier today, I felt so apathetic about the improvements I was trying to make,and felt that with it's pointless to try to practice if I can't do it consistently. I know that something is better than nothing, but that's not what it feels like. I know that if I went to school as a violin student, much more will be expected of me. If I can't I can't do it now, how can I expect to do it later? I feel so discouraged because if I want to be violinist, I need to figure something out.
But I'm not even sure I want to figure it out. But everyone in my life thinks I'm going to be a musician. My parents, my teacher, my twin sister, who is a cellist. Alot of people have supported me throughout my years as a violinist and I feel like I would let alot of people down if I didn't pursue that go. I know this decision isn't necessarily about them, but it still doesn't help feel better. I feel lame that I just can't commit to doing something that I should love. Even though I am a full time student and I work a part-time job, I still have plenty time to practice, but I just don't. I'm tired, I have work to do, the excuses I make for myself go on. I know this is super important if I want to pursue a career and I feel like I'm ruining my future.
I've tried doing it a little at time, thinking of the scholarships at stake, thinking of it as my job,(because it is) trying to establish a practice schedule. Nothing seems to work for me. I'm at a loss for what to do.Tweet
This article has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.
Violinist.com is made possible by...
Discover the best of Violinist.com in these collections of editor Laurie Niles' exclusive interviews.