Self-Confidence Issues

November 10, 2021, 8:54 PM · I've recently been really discouraged due to some recent events. I was supposed to perform in a concerto competition recently. It's for college students and high school students, and this is my senior year in high school. I performed once before as a sophomore, and I was very happy with my performance, despite my loss.

This year, I was aiming to perform a concerto I had been working on for a year. I didn't play it consistently throughout the year, but I did get pretty sick of it. The quality of my playing fluctuated alot with this piece and the competition grew closer, I was becoming uncertain. I didn't think I could make it through a performance, let alone win. Everyone around me was really supportive and encouraging and I started to feel better about things.

But then, less than a week before the competition I had a lesson with my instructor who has been very encouraging since learning this piece. We worked on a couple of things and I was feeling better and better. But, after I performed with the accompaniment, he told me I shouldn't perform. I was shocked. He hadn't ever suggested that he thought before he told me. He told he just didn't think that I could make it through a performance.

Having my insecurities voiced in another person really shattered my confidence as a violinist. I didn't feel like I could perform after that so I dropped out.

One of my closest friends, a fellow violinist who studies with the same teacher, also competed. She performed the same thing I did, but she had been playing it for a shorter time. She ended being the only one competing in the high school division, since her only competitor was me.

She won.

Now, I have to play the concerto as an orchestra member since I am a part of the orchestra that performs with the winning soloists. My failures are going to be staring at me in the face for a long time now, and I feel so defeated. If I had worked harder, I could have avoided all this and been able to compete. Everyone around me doesn't seem to understand, and keeps telling me I'm such well-rounded violinist, and there will be other competitions, but that's not what I'm upset about.

I'm upset because I've been struggling with practicing and confidence for a while now,ultimately feeling like I don't work hard enough and that I'm not going to amount to anything as a violinist, and now my teacher seems to agree with me.

I just don't know where to go from here.

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November 11, 2021 at 06:19 AM · Try posting this on the discussion board- just scroll all the way down to post.

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