Diary of a Mad Fiddler (Inspired by Gogol's Diary of a Madman)

August 18, 2017, 9:29 PM · (Just a bit of humorous nonsense!)

Diary of a Mad Fiddler
By
Nikolai Rimsky­­­-klaymakoff

September 23

After practicing Sev-chick exercises for 3 hours today I started to feel very strange. But I felt better after deciding to finally ban all shoulder rests from my kingdom!

September 29

I’ve ordered and sampled 23 different rosins the past year. I decided to crush the last new one into a powder and use it in my coffee in lieu of Sweet and Low. Actually it wasn’t bad! My teeth do feel a little stuck together but…

October 4

I was overjoyed to find a Medieval neume in an old bookstore today! Just think of those old monks who slaved away at their music, writing on parchment…
But then I was distressed by this thought: what do you call someone who writes neumes? A…. NEUMEMANN!!!!

October 18

I finally decided to confront my neighbor today in the apartment next to mine. I rang her bell. When she opened the door I said “I want to have a talk with your doggie.” “What do you want with my dog?” she nervingly said. “I want to tell him to stop howling at me every time I play on the E string”. Can you believe that she slammed her door in my face?

No date. A day without date.

Stardate 2324.02

YestreEday was truly a grrreatt day! I finally proved what I had long suspected – that I am both Nicolo Paganini and Jascha Heifetz!!! Do you doubt me? Oh ye of little faith! Any fool with half a brain and a bottle of fingerpaint can replicate my wonderful experiment: dip your finger into the bottle and scrawl “Paganini” on a wall as I did. It will soon fade and the name “Heifetz” will appear in its place!
QED!

I was so overjoyed that at the stroke of midnight I went up to the roof of my building and shouted the GOOD NEWS with all of my might! Then I played Batehoooven’s Ode to Joy as loudly as I could on my Stroh violin! Would you believe that many naybers had the nerve to yell at me??? Jelous lttle plebians! No matter. I am sure that very soon I will be crowned EMPER –ROAR OF THE VIOLIN!!!

Martober 43rd

There is some commotion in the nayber-hoot. An amulet has pulled up in front of my building and some men in whjite coats have come out. After my repeated complaints to the police, mayor and city counseal I beoieve that they have finally come to take my nay-saying-ber and her little howling doggie a-way…oh joy!

Wait a minute…why are they knocking on MY door? I…it..but…AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!


Replies (18)

August 20, 2017, 11:48 AM · No reaction so far? Not even "you're as crazy as your character; go back to practicing"? Makes me sooo sad... :-(
August 20, 2017, 11:51 AM · Raphael, you might have ingested too much powdered rosin in your coffee....;)
August 20, 2017, 1:38 PM · Yes, or too much Sev-chick in my practicing!
August 20, 2017, 2:05 PM · Looks normal to me; I'm a violist..
August 20, 2017, 2:07 PM · Raphael, I thought the Stardate 2324.02 was a nice touch!
August 20, 2017, 3:06 PM · Loved it!!!
August 21, 2017, 3:06 AM · Thanks, folks!
August 21, 2017, 3:19 AM · Wot Adrian sed!

Neil

August 21, 2017, 6:52 AM · Maybe lay off the Corelli ;)
August 21, 2017, 9:53 AM · great prose Raphael! it actually made me check the original, quite fascinating! for those who would like to read the original, you can find it at Project Gutenberg
August 21, 2017, 3:02 PM · Wait...

Aren't we supposed to eat the rosin?

My whole life is a lie.

August 22, 2017, 12:49 PM · I actually like the smell of freshly rosined bow hair in the morning. It smells like......Victory!
August 22, 2017, 2:02 PM · Augustus 22nd. Just read this thread. I thought I should burn my violin, but it took an hour to look for a match. Then I decided to find my violin first, but I couldn't find it either. Then I remembered that I burned it yesterday. That's also why I couldn't find the match. So I poured water on the ashes. Now I'm ready to learn the Firewater Music, but I don't think I can Handel it.
August 23, 2017, 12:17 PM · If you can't Handel it you might have to go Bach into Haydn!
August 24, 2017, 10:16 AM · As I scroll down through this website, my reaction is....Enough of this bar talk. I Dont like it. I try to put in a good Auer's practice every day, but no wonder I get finger-bored. Why can't someone write a truly sound post on this website? Of course, everyone is scared of being taken down a peg or two. In think the professionalism here is starting to unRavel.
Edited: August 24, 2017, 12:48 PM · Bravo! More than Godunov for this site, Boris!

Which reminds me how someone once asked me if I liked Offenbach.
"Well", said I, "I often like Bach but I don't often like Offenbach!"

"And what about Korsakoff?"

"Of course I cough! Ahem..."

August 25, 2017, 4:52 PM · Time to reprise a limerick:

The Emperor liked to go ridin'.
And his music was good, I'm confidin'.
But he's never returned,
And I've always yearned
To find out of Franz Joseph was Hidin'. (....Haydn?)

August 25, 2017, 6:47 PM · A fiddler came from Nantucket
And under his chin he did tuck it
When his bow lost its hair
Flung it he in the air
And happily after he plucked it!

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