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Limericks - Part 3 (Oh, no!)Life in general: The title says it all.From Sander Marcus Limericks get to me all the time. So please create a dilly, Even if it's silly, It's the Olympus of verse we climb.
From Mischa S.
:)Posted on July 26, 2007 at 04:26 PM A tightwad used once - with great success! From Albert Justice
Oh'm'God!
Posted on July 26, 2007 at 04:53 PM From Albert Justice
Sander's gonna start doing limericks at Walmart before it's over.... Posted on July 26, 2007 at 04:53 PM Me thinks the price, From Anne Horvath
There once was a fiddler named Maura,Posted on July 26, 2007 at 05:13 PM That gave off Hungarian aura. She worships Szigeti And plays a Moretti So now Joska tips his fedora! heh heh. From Mischa S.
A time warp brought Beethoven to '08,Posted on July 26, 2007 at 05:18 PM he went to a doc for an hearing aid. When he heard afresh, it's been such a trash, that he switched off the aid and went back straight. From Mitchell Pressman
There was a performer named CagePosted on July 26, 2007 at 06:04 PM who sent audiences into a rage. At the piano he'd linger but not raise a finger. Till a guy said: "at least clean the stage!" From Sander Marcus
I don't care if Cage was the tannest.Posted on July 26, 2007 at 06:33 PM To me he was the blandest. What I want to know, Instead of a prepared piano, Is a well-prepared pianist. From Mitchell Pressman
And then there was Sibelius,Posted on July 26, 2007 at 08:40 PM brilliant if somewhat rebellious. How could such a muse survive all that booze? I must confess that I'm jeal-i-ous. From Maura Gerety
Anne, that is f***ing brilliant. ;-) Although I'm (whenever possible) going by my Hungarian/Czech/pan-European/pronounceable name, "Mara", now...glad I stuck to the Irish version long enough for you to write that limerick!
Posted on July 27, 2007 at 02:42 AM From Alison Smith
Now we are all lyrical junkies,Posted on July 27, 2007 at 06:32 AM Who seem to be acting like flunkies, We need to get down, The Bridge with James Brown, It's Friday, so let's 'Make It Funky!' From Christopher Burndrett
Milstein or Heifetz, we pontificate.Posted on July 27, 2007 at 03:27 PM Shoulder rest or restless we vacillate. Then we spend time, with ridiculous rhymes But with scales and etudes we procrastinate. From Anne Horvath
All these obsessive contests of rests,Posted on July 27, 2007 at 04:18 PM All these gabfests of protested tests, I am not impressed, They make me depressed, All these inquests: ridiculous jests! And young Gerety, watch your language please! :) From Alison Smith
Jim wanted the name of the wine,Posted on July 27, 2007 at 04:30 PM T'was mentioned in previous line, But if you were to, Try Ali's home brew, You would lose track of space and time. From Christopher Burndrett
Violin or Viola we jest.Posted on July 27, 2007 at 04:52 PM It's time to put it to rest. A viola might find A right note sometimes, But man are they good at the rests. From Albert Justice
I practice early because I must work late, Posted on July 27, 2007 at 05:09 PM It's scales and etudes as I don't tempt fate. With bubble gum in hand, thank God for solid land, Christopher on this one you were wrong my man. From Maura Gerety
Yes, my language occasion'lly is coarse,Posted on July 27, 2007 at 05:45 PM And I've been known to shout myself hoarse. When all logic's in shambles, That's when my speech resembles That of a hussar who's mad at his horse. From Christopher Burndrett
Some of us post tall tales.Posted on July 27, 2007 at 07:02 PM Some shoot straight as nails. Although we don't know What's true or for show, Albert plays etudes and scales. From Albert Justice
Christopher should look at himself.Posted on July 27, 2007 at 07:12 PM I would suspect he 'he' tells the tales. Rather point fingers, at folks he don't know, now Christopher, do go practice your scales. Make Oliver proud if you would. From Christopher Burndrett
Hey Albert, Posted on July 27, 2007 at 07:10 PM This is supposed to be fun and light. I meant no harm. From Christopher Burndrett
Honest and diligentPosted on July 27, 2007 at 07:14 PM Hurtful and militant Albert is wrong To sing such a song "Why can't we just all get along?" From Albert Justice
Absolutely....
Posted on July 27, 2007 at 07:20 PM From Albert Justice
Christopher's memory isn't so long, Posted on July 27, 2007 at 07:23 PM fun at other's expense is what's wrong. I poke enough fun at me self, I need no help, but thanks just as well. From Christopher Burndrett
Whether misunderstanding or hearts on our sleeve,Posted on July 27, 2007 at 07:27 PM I had no intention to hurt my colleague. With a promise of friendship, and quite humbly, Please accept a sincere apology. From joel levin
There was a maestro named SzeryngPosted on July 27, 2007 at 08:17 PM Who oft played pickled like herring With concertos of Brahms and Beethoven He would imbibe his Tanqueray Ten But coke for Bach to not lose his bearing From Jim W. Miller
Heartily I'd partake of the home brewPosted on July 27, 2007 at 08:40 PM and in classical style, perhaps drink from her shoe and while drugged by her grace forget time and space and give good hospitality its due. From Christopher Burndrett
“More bow! More bow!”Posted on July 27, 2007 at 08:37 PM I’ve heard all my life “I try! I try!” With diligent strife “It’s hard! So hard!” To play crescendos When my bow is haired With hair from my nose From Jim W. Miller
Limericks only, no rapping.Posted on July 27, 2007 at 08:44 PM From Mitchell Pressman
There once was a freshman at OberlinPosted on July 27, 2007 at 08:51 PM who went by the nickname of "Sober Lynn." Once her roommate, she drank till, returning quite rank, she passed out after getting sick all over Lynn. From Anne Horvath
Another for Gerety:Posted on July 27, 2007 at 11:54 PM A naughty word just might be spicy, From Maura Gerety
Hey, at least I used asterisks...
Posted on July 28, 2007 at 12:20 AM From Anne Horvath
All in good fun.
Posted on July 28, 2007 at 02:35 AM From Maura Gerety
Just adding a little extra-spicy paprika to the mix...don't mind me. ;-)
Posted on July 28, 2007 at 03:00 AM From Mitchell Pressman
An occasional F-Bomb is okay.Posted on July 28, 2007 at 03:27 AM It's just a brief reference to noo-kay. Just don't overdo it and generally, eschew it (and make sure not to play hoo-kay). From Eric Godfrey
[My favorite music limerick, from my late father when I was young back in the 1950's. Try reciting this quickly.]Posted on July 28, 2007 at 03:57 AM A tutor who tooted the flute From Alison Smith
It's Sander who this thread has skippered,Posted on July 28, 2007 at 10:40 AM With Anne's criticism now peppered, So What? 'Och well', 'We'll a' flame in hell',** For what we've writ, we'll a' git kippered.
If there's hell below, From Alison Smith
Once you've got your tootin' right,Posted on July 28, 2007 at 08:11 AM If tongue twisters you really like, Just put your teeth in, Do some deep breethin', Say quick, 'I saw a ship in sight' From Albert Justice
Christopher Christopher my friend, Posted on July 28, 2007 at 08:31 AM forgive my obsessive Chagrin. I live life's real drama with lovely persona, my fiddle is truly, my friend. I truly work like two men. And, I'm rathah pretty as well! ;). (Henry Fielding pronunciation) From Anne Horvath
The weekend is too lazy to nag,Posted on July 28, 2007 at 01:00 PM I'll stop acting too much like the drag. D scales, they do call me And etudes, do thrall me, It's too hot to make a finger wag! From Michael Baer
There was a blond fiddler of yorePosted on July 28, 2007 at 06:09 PM Who thought OshKosh was Haut Couture In the Gardens of Spain She played Old Refrain Gosh, was that Kreisler, Pugnani, or Spohr? From Christopher Burndrett
My rosin is stickyPosted on July 28, 2007 at 05:28 PM My teacher is picky The music’s so tricky I’m lost all the time. My neck is so itchy Darn violin hickey I do wish the hickey Was the other kind. From Mitchell Pressman
There once was a rhymer in CantonPosted on July 28, 2007 at 08:18 PM who took liberties with limericks that were wanton. They were plain old rhyming lines; and eight at a time! That dog it just ain't huntin'.
From Maura Gerety
A sonnet would be nice right about now,Posted on July 28, 2007 at 10:52 PM But to write one, I fear, I know not how. Ah Shakespeare, egad! How I wish I had Such brains that to write would allow. From Christopher Burndrett
Mitch it is true, my posts have been plenty.Posted on July 28, 2007 at 11:51 PM Amends have been made, for being too pithy. With an offer of peace, there’s no need to fight But frankly, I think your G-string’s too tight. :) Disclaimer: From Jim W. Miller
Please take note of the rhymePosted on July 29, 2007 at 04:59 AM you disgusting nonlimericking slime. It's AABBA if you want to play. We're not here to have a good time. From Christopher Burndrett
My ignorance - I apologize.Posted on July 29, 2007 at 02:00 AM What an idiot I must seem From Jim W. Miller
I transformed his poetic catastrophePosted on July 29, 2007 at 02:33 AM into wonderful limerick mastery Now he'll have a ball outdoing us all and I'm out of debt to humanity. From Alison Smith
Now Pauline could not solve the riddle,Posted on July 29, 2007 at 05:40 AM Of where was the guy playing fiddle, That made her think, He'd had too much drink, And he had gone off for a piddle That was close, I nearly put the punchline in the link at the beginning. From Mischa S.
A man just popped up in a bow spat,Posted on July 29, 2007 at 08:37 AM and pronto this fellow made clear that, he knew everything, of price, style and swing. An expert? No, just Morbus Bo(w)rat. From Alison Smith
Since Maura enjoys literary references...Posted on July 29, 2007 at 09:16 AM Some think that the British are haughty, *Alison, Wife of Bath, was a strumpet, which fits very well with crumpet. But that's too cluttered. From Jim Hoyle
A violinist, begging for alms,Posted on July 29, 2007 at 02:20 PM Announced, "I don't have any qualms About living this way; It's how I get my pay Every day that I practise the Brahms." From Christopher Burndrett
There once was a luthier ladPosted on July 29, 2007 at 05:06 PM Who's fiddles weren't all half bad With wine he's up late Graduating his plates With enough wine, they all sound like strads From Jim Hoyle
A violinist, lacking in flair,Posted on July 29, 2007 at 06:01 PM Who, playing Bartholdy, did err, Said, "Now, don't get me wrong - It's ~called~ 'Wings of Song', But right now it's 'Wing and a Prayer'". From Jim Hoyle
A violinist, coming unstuckPosted on July 29, 2007 at 06:06 PM In a difficult passage by Bruch, Said "Now that bit's not right, But was OK last night, And, anyway, who gives a damn?" From Alison Smith
My playing is so scary that,Posted on July 30, 2007 at 11:39 AM It's emptied the surrounding flats, Have done too much work, D'blestopping Bartok, That no-one will want to move back. From Sander Marcus
Reading these limericks, you think none can beat us?Posted on July 30, 2007 at 12:50 PM If Heifetz were alive, he'd want to meet us? Our playing's better (I hope), 'Cause these poems just mope; They're a sort of musical fetus. From Alison Smith
Bach's music was inspired by worship,Posted on July 30, 2007 at 05:40 PM Producing wonderful workmanship, But the origin, Of his religion? InterPlanetaryFunkmanship From Mitchell Pressman
A busker was playing DvorakPosted on July 30, 2007 at 06:33 PM when a passerby said "play some more, Jack." "Give me a fin and I'll play more violin." And the guy said "you're now on ignore, Jack." From Mischa S.
A kitten once played ShostakovicPosted on July 30, 2007 at 06:35 PM but she played with (let's call it) low pitch her luthier - that stinks! - used her for some strings her very last thought? "... life's a bitch!" From Jim Hoyle
Paganini, when teaching Miss Xet Xiang Ho,Posted on July 30, 2007 at 10:11 PM Said, "You're going to progress ere I'll let you go!" They started Cantabile, Progressed to Amabile, And ended up Moto Perpetuo. From Mitchell Pressman
A tourist traveling alonePosted on July 31, 2007 at 02:23 AM will get ripped off in Barcelone. And with any wisdom you'll avoid Lisbon. And don't even ask about Rome. From Mitchell Pressman
A pianist and very hard workerPosted on July 31, 2007 at 02:36 AM tried so hard to play a mazurka. But though he was hell-bent he was lacking in talent so now he's an internet lurker. From Alison Smith
Travelling in Europe is painless,Posted on July 31, 2007 at 06:45 AM You can visit monuments endless, Or go past the Med, And get very red, And keep asking, 'Doo Yoo Speek Aingleesh?' From Mitchell Pressman
If French or Spanish makes you skittishPosted on July 31, 2007 at 12:24 PM consider a vacation British. Useless artifacts the Brit Museum never lacks. But one must never get snittish. From Mischa S.
A lewd dude, who sang his last farewell,Posted on July 31, 2007 at 11:59 AM expelled by a stone guy to flared hell, (his scout had to log all chicks in his BLOG): that's Don Giovanní in a nutshell. From Alison Smith
If for Istanbul you book a flight,Posted on July 31, 2007 at 12:07 PM Then your holiday will be alright, Fresh spice you can get, Close to minarets, And to finish - some Turkish Delight! From Mitchell Pressman
Oh how I love southern Europe.Posted on July 31, 2007 at 01:12 PM At times yes my eyes even blur up. In the cathedrals I feel protected from evil (but some of the foods make me bur-up.) From Maura Gerety
It's hot in that region this year,Posted on July 31, 2007 at 01:53 PM Romania's melting, I fear. Hungary's roasting, The Balkans are toasting! And the Czechs are too hot to drink beer. From Mitchell Pressman
When the Czechs are too hot to drink beerPosted on July 31, 2007 at 02:32 PM you know that the end is quite near. And they're roasting like wieners all over Slovenia so together let's all shed a tear. From Alison Smith
Close inspection of threads would relate,Posted on July 31, 2007 at 04:53 PM That the most oft-repeated debate, Is 'Whether it's best, To use shoulder rest?' IF AFFIRMATIVE, EXTERMINATE!!!! From Christopher Burndrett
Kreisler was a king to bestowPosted on July 31, 2007 at 09:15 PM With vibrato and passion aglow From Sicilienne to Corelli In the style of Pugnani He gave us Love's Joy and Love's Sorrow. From Jim W. Miller
The shoulder rest thing is a nitPosted on July 31, 2007 at 06:12 PM to pick while with fiddle you sit when you started late. Bbw's you'll date, so why not just get on with it From Albert Justice
Me fiddle's got perfect proportions, Posted on July 31, 2007 at 06:54 PM no gravity inspired distortions, may have started late, but don't believe in fate, Age has no bearing on who one should date. All women are alright with me, From Mitchell Pressman
A salute to ol' Scarlatti,Posted on July 31, 2007 at 07:10 PM who got accused at times of being snotty. Being totally immune to attempts his motives to impugn, he went to work on another sonat-y. From Christopher Burndrett
As a student I can attestPosted on July 31, 2007 at 07:46 PM My playing was laboriously stressed With a well fitted rest I found effortless zest Play without, if you haven’t a neck. From Alison Smith
Oh Mitchell, now give me some credit,Posted on July 31, 2007 at 08:39 PM I've spotted that you've done an edit, With Buckingham, Went Prince's b*m?, Too late, I had already read it. Off with your head! (Actually my first thought was the artist called Prunce, and jam) From Mitchell Pressman
On re-read I thought it too randyPosted on July 31, 2007 at 09:17 PM so I found the edit mode handy. I redid it quite tamely and I must confess, lamely, But at least someone saw it: that's dandy. From Sander Marcus
Playing Liebeslied, I'm Kreisler's clone.Posted on July 31, 2007 at 11:51 PM But then I got a call on the phone. It was a musician, Who took the position, "Why don't you just liebus alone." From Alison Smith
To compare with Bach there is nothin',Posted on August 1, 2007 at 06:39 AM And for Kreisler I am a glutton, Rimsky Korsakov, Can't get enough of, But Bartok pushes all my buttons. From Mitchell Pressman
Bartok was to percussionPosted on August 1, 2007 at 01:24 PM as Alaska is to mushin'. His use of celesta just outdid the rest o' the composers, whether British or Russian. From Alison Smith
Buying a new fiddle is wearing,Posted on August 1, 2007 at 03:27 PM Selection criteria's ailing, Shrill French, not for me, Forget Italy ($£$£$£$£), Bring on the Big Bellied Bavarians From Jim Hoyle
There was a violinist from BuckinghamPosted on August 2, 2007 at 05:25 PM Who did lewd things with ducks before cooking 'em, Playing "White Cliffs of Dover" To a clutch of their ova And instructing his granny on sucking 'em. ___________________________________ There was a violinist called Ilya From Alison Smith
For the rudest lyrics in the land,Posted on August 2, 2007 at 09:36 PM Which could never be described as bland? British Sea Shanties, O'which there are plenty, Though in modern times, they would be banned. If we are lucky this chronicle, But Captain Pugwash was innocent. He didn't say those rude words. From Maura Gerety
Now that we're talking about naughty lyrics, ever heard any Russian chastushki?
Posted on August 3, 2007 at 01:59 AM From Jim W. Miller
Ha! That's some sick stuff.Posted on August 3, 2007 at 02:27 AM From Mischa S.
Chastushkis would make some here sea sick, Posted on August 3, 2007 at 09:28 AM the editor'd act with some mouse clicks: it's not just one f-word, it's f-content alert. (I know that as tight-lipped Chastushknik.) ............................................................. Still Allison fancies this poem thread From Alison Smith
Ignorance is bliss, so they tell me,Posted on August 4, 2007 at 08:14 AM And for all I know it might as well be, Now you can surmise, That I'm not streetwise, Cause I never heard a Chastushki We Celtic people are spiritual, From Jim W. Miller
I'd write you a good chastuskiPosted on August 4, 2007 at 08:40 PM but it would get me the nooseki the babushka would go "Sergy, spasibo for not forgetting about my cabooski." From Jim Hoyle
Oh Alison, cast me a charmPosted on August 4, 2007 at 11:05 PM That will not only keep me from harm, But will make my up-bow No longer cause woe And make me play like Gil Shaham. From Alison Smith
Jim H, we'll try some faerie voodoo,Posted on August 5, 2007 at 11:24 AM With pixies, kelpies and Ghillie Dhu, We'll get out the pot, And give it a shot, And make a Yehudi out of you* No matter what life you are livin', *If there is any magic left over, I badly need it From Mischa S.
Well, once Macedonian freaksPosted on August 5, 2007 at 11:33 AM went out to lampaste all those Greeks, the Persians deep-fried, half Egypt just sighed: "Antique Alexander-technique". *** Frustrated of playing Bach-fugas? From Maura Gerety
"Alexander technique"....*GROAN!*
Posted on August 5, 2007 at 02:36 PM From Alison Smith
If Hilary's Hahns weren't their nicest,Posted on September 9, 2007 at 01:01 PM And Repin was wrestlin' his Vices, Suppose Vengerov, Had a Chestikov, Then Prunes would cure all of their Crises From Larry Rhodes
To Jim, the muse for this limerick, this is JUST a joke. Don't take it personally or seriously. It was just too much fun to write a "poem" about you, and once I did, well, I couldn't just let it go to waste. You're cool despite being cantankerous. ;)Posted on September 9, 2007 at 06:37 PM ----- Jim Miller’s a flippant curmudgeon ----- From Ronald Mutchnik
When attempting to do a vibratoPosted on September 9, 2007 at 04:53 PM Keep it simple- that is my motto If you yank and you twist I'd say stop and desist You'll have better luck winning the lotto! From Larry Rhodes
Ronald,Posted on September 9, 2007 at 04:56 PM Excellent. :) From Ian Burkard
There once was a fiddler gone madPosted on September 9, 2007 at 07:28 PM That drew on the neck of his strad His beautiful wife Who had lost her life To cover the frets that he had. === There's tell of a fiddler named Sam, Who played with a single hand. His bow never strayed, Though a hook with he played! Hats off to that fiddling man. === Before there were Strads and Del Gesui People played quite profusely On the rubber band box And dried cats with pox But now we are all so choosey. From Alison Smith
La-rry, you're about to discover,Posted on September 9, 2007 at 08:19 PM That this thread can't go on much farther, Pay no heed to Jim* We'll never please him, But here you can get off with murrrder *Actually that's a really funny site with a lot of dry humour like Jim's, but I should still 'do a Prince' now and change my name From Larry Rhodes
Alison,Posted on September 9, 2007 at 10:00 PM *chuckle* Ian, The same. ;) From Larry Rhodes
Well, I had so much fun coming up with that last limerick about Jim, that I just couldn't stop myself from trying another one. Though, for this one, I'm afraid I had to sort of make up some words. ;)Posted on September 10, 2007 at 12:15 AM ----- When Jim becomes much too cantankerous ----- From Laura Madden
There once was a violin web sitePosted on September 10, 2007 at 04:40 AM which brought much joy and insight Just don't say the "best" or the words "chin rest" or you'll be reading well after midnight This discussion has been archived, and is not accepting additional responses.
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