I think a lot of you will recognize me as a poster couple years ago talking about how passionate I was with violin. This was in high school.
College kind of changed that. So, I was a music major last year (Freshman year), and I was pretty excited and passionate about it (as I was in high school), but come Spring Semester, I started to dread practicing and violin. I kind of attributed this to my lazy personality. I usually procrastinate, and only occasionally have bouts of diligence and determination.
Even though in high school, I felt intimidated by the other more talented and younger students, they inspired me to work harder and made me think I can do it too. Well in college, I felt put off by everyone. I think I was subconsciously reminded by anyone in the music school that this may not be the right path for me, and occasional unsuccessful lessons made me think I would never be good enough no matter how hard I try. Even my violin teacher, who is great and really nice, sometimes had his moments where he would unintentionally say things which made me think I will NEVER improve (ie "why do you keep doing this?!" or "your intonation never has a center"). Please note I'm not saying he's mean and a bad teacher. I learned a lot from him, but I think the standard he had for my learning really backfired in a way that made feel I don't deserve to be in that standard to begin with.
So, this semester (beginning of my sophomore year), I switched my major to English. I love it. Yeah I'm not so passionate, but when I write about books I love, or even analyses on sociocultural topics, I get this rewarding, no-pressure feeling. Nothing in this field hangs on just ONE performance, and my improvement here just felt natural, whereas in music, I constantly felt like Sisyphus pushing up a boulder against all odds. Compared to being an English Major, being music major was just a dreadful, stressful life.
Now comes my real question, should I just quit?
I asked my violin teacher this, and (as expected) he was very disapproving of me quitting. He explained that if I quit, there's a very good chance that if I ever decide to come back, I won't be as free (ie college students have more free time than adults in the working world) to take it back up again, or as an adult, learning an instrument may no longer come as natural compared to now.
Even my friends said I shouldn't quit. Now is the only opportunity I will get to study with a great violinist and have the time for it.
But there's this nagging feeling that I don't want to do this anymore. I NEVER practice, so I feel like I'm wasting my teacher's time to begin with. And when I do, I don't get the results I expect in my lesson (I always find a way to mess it up). This past September, the back-to-school excitement motivated me to practice everyday for a good amount of time, but that has died off. Right now I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time and money by continuing. I feel like I could be doing other things to enjoy my time as a college student.
What do you guys think? The only reason why I'm so unsure is because of what my teacher said (I might regret it when I'm older). And there's also the fact that maybe I'm going through a slump and I'll find a way back. Thoughts? Your experience of quitting and not regretting?
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