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 What must I say to the recent widow at my desk in September?July 14, 2006 at 12:46 PM The last 3 rehearsal before the summer in one of my amateurorchestra I sat alone at my desk. A woman in her 50-ies who sits normally next to me suddenly got her husband, a lawyer of 56, on the telephone. He rang her on the phone in his car next to the highway to tell her that he wanted to cancel an appointment with a client, because he did not feel well. The next time she rang him back, she got already someone of the ambulance on the phone, told someone of the orchestra. He had a stroke in the brain and some days later he dies. He left 3 children, the youngest 17, still living at home. I wrote her a colondolatoryletter.Life can be hard and unfair. The Dutch queen Beatrix had both parents till she was 65 and than within 2 years they were gone (princess Juliana and the German prince Bernhard). A friend of mine has only vague foto’s and no memories of his parents, because they died when he was 2. I am a lucky guy of 42 who still has both parents (healthy and still together). But these 3 children now misses their father. Okay, a bit heavy subject, but it is part of life and part of musiclife. 20 years ago I came in a student-orchestra and short before a student of that orchestra had died, but I had not known him. I hope I will see my deskmate in September again, but I can’t ask: “How was your holiday?” From bill pratt
People often feel awkward about what to say to someone who has lost someone. Having lost my father 2 years ago, I will say that I really appreciated it when people simply acknowleged the loss, "I'm sorry to hear you lost your father" etc.Posted on July 14, 2006 at 12:53 PM It is simple and seems so ordinary, but it is still nice and I appreciated it.
From Terez Mertes
Yes, to what Bill said. And, further, to ask "how are you doing?" months down the road, is usually appreciated by a grieving person. That's when the shock has worn off, the flood of concern and well-wishing has subsided, and now it's just the griever and his/her loss. If you've never been there, it's hard to comprehend how devastating it continues to be, long after everyone assumes you should have "gotten over it" by now.Posted on July 14, 2006 at 2:21 PM "You've been in my thoughts," is a nice thing to say/hear. Poor woman... a rough road ahead for her.
From Pauline Lerner
How sad, Bram. She needs her friends, family, and music now. I'm glad you gave her your condolences right away. I agree that it is important to ask her how she feels later, too, when the shock wears off and most people will not continue to ask her how she is doing. When my father died, everyone who worked in my office spoke to me and expressed sympathy, and it really helped to know that people cared. I especially appreciated hearing from people who obviously felt awkward talking to me about it. Somehow it meant a little more to me. You can tell her that I extend my sympathy to her. I hope that music will help her in her loss.
Posted on July 17, 2006 at 8:31 AM This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments. |
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SearchAbout BramBram Heemskerk is from Waddinxveen, Netherlands. Biography
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