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The Bucket List

July 9, 2008 at 4:44 PM

Hey, what did you do this summer?

It could very well be the most asked question of all time. And as we have grown up, the most anticipated event of the school year may just be that one day of show-and-tell of "What I did on my summer vacation".

Fast forward life to this 32 year old. As a professional musician, I have spent the past few years doing some gigs, padding the resume and trying to stay active as a performer, clinician, teacher, etc. Some things give way to others and while my recent success in auditions seems to say I'm getting better at something, whether it be the act of taking an audition or playing the excerpts better or becoming a better violinst, I feel overall that my playing has gone downhill since I was in college. This summer, with no pre-arranged gigs or festivals I am at the mercy of my own time, my own space, my own studio and perhaps worst of all, my own goals.

Allright, so what would I like to say I accomplished when I finally kick the bucket? Since I finally have a summer to accomplish SOMETHING for myself.... geez... uh.... where to begin? Am I in shape? Not really. I have Orchestra Syndrome. Gotta get back in shape. Okay, that'll take 2 weeks. Then what? I'm 'stuck' on the Brahms concerto in that I don't really have time to learn another concerto for the purpose of winning an audition. Gotta re-work that Brahms. Chamber music? God, I love chamber music. Don't have anyone to play with though. I can see the ad now: "Serious String Quartet seeks out Cellist, Violist, and 2nd Violin for active intense chamber music during the off-season".

I splurged and bought the complete Beethoven Quartets by Cleveland and started playing along with them. Lame, maybe, but at least it's something. Solo Bach? Solo Paganini? This may fit well. I can honestly say I haven't played *all* of the sonatas, partitas and capprici so there you have it. It may be slow and steady and nowhere near a performance situation but at least I can say I read through them all.

So as of this typing I have 2 movements of Bach left (The C major and a minor Fugues - ugh) to read through and all the Paganini Caprices have been read. Damn you, number 6 and 12. I hate you. All the rest are my friends though.

Too many notes. Just cut a few and it'll be perfect.

(If you know which movie that last line came from you get a gold star for the day and you may go practice for another 3 hours.)

From Tom Holzman
Posted on July 9, 2008 at 6:27 PM
Sounds like you are having an early version of mid-life crisis with a bit of depression thrown in. I hope things improve. Have you considered trying to find a teacher to coach you a bit to try to get your playing back to the level you perceive it was when you left college?
From Ray Randall
Posted on July 9, 2008 at 8:23 PM
A major orchestra CM told me that it takes about two hours of practice for every orchestra hour of playing to stay at the top level of playing, ie.
to get back what the orchestra takes away.
From Alayna Faulkenberg
Posted on July 9, 2008 at 10:02 PM
isnt that line from amadeus?
maybe not and now i look like a goob. oh well. :P
From Stephen Brivati
Posted on July 9, 2008 at 10:22 PM
Greetings,
to be honest, I don`t think it has much to do with your playing. Two very importnat lessons I learnt , in brief.
From a great healer: `There is only one reason we are on this planet in this life- to love other people.`

Second, a simple but importnat exercise from a book called `feelthe Fear and do it anyway.`
Basically, violnists tend to lose the balanc ein their lives. Draw a square to represent your life and write violin in it. Now suppose you lost the ability to play for whatever reason. Your life becomes empty and pointless.
Now take the box and divide it into nine squares. In each box write somehting that isimportnat to you: family, relationships, reading, exercise, cleaning, meditation, cooking, practice, study, volunteer work and so on.
From here one has to discipline oneself to do something from all these boxes everyday, even to the smallest degree. The reuslt is that when you lose somehting from your life that is importnat you still have eight other things going for you and the loss becomes maneagable, albeit no less painful.
In the meantimes, why not pick a load of new repertoire, give yourslef a deadline thta puts soem pressure on and go play in a hospital or hospice or whatever.
CHeers,
Buri

From Mendy Smith
Posted on July 10, 2008 at 6:17 AM
Either you have read my blogs on how the Clarke Sonata is one of my many "bucket list" pieces or you came to the same musical conclusion that I did independant of my blogs: "Life is too short, enjoy it while you can!".

Why not put an add on Craig's List for a quartet group? That is how mine started. One violinist looking for another to do duets with. Then looking for violists for trios. Then Trio group looking for cellist to make quartet. We are now in the quintet stage -quartet looking for another violist. (I know, sounds funny eh?)

As for me this summer, I'm subbing in a CO for a concert tomorrow. Found another CO that holds "readings" open to anyone over the summer, attending Interlochen (adult camp), quartet nights, and trying to still find time to practice at home. And I thought I would have a "break" this summer sans lessons and primary CO. HA!

From Jason Bell
Posted on July 10, 2008 at 2:09 PM
Mid life crisis with a side of depression? That may be how it comes out in writing but I assure you what it is is only an intense desire to make it to the top -- a full time orchestra job with a livable wage. It *feels* like my playing is worse but I know it's not -- it's just different. Lots of orchestra, maybe even too much sometimes and it makes you feel all weird as a player. You know?

Alayna - you studied with Jeremy Blanden? Get out, he's a good friend of mine. In fact he just left a message on my phone last week. Small world! And yes, it's from Amadeus.

Mendy - I know pretty much all the string players in this area and they either bail out of Spokane for the summer or they stop playing, or already have previous engagements as far as ensembles go. Which orchestra are you subbing with?

From Rebecca Appert
Posted on July 10, 2008 at 2:48 PM
Hi Jason! I saw your Don Juan video on here a few weeks ago, and you sound great. I know exactly what you mean though, where do we go from here?
I started taking some lessons again from some greats in my area and it made my playing more inspired and actually *gasp* fun again- whereas in college with our teacher, I was always stressed and worried and felt not good enough. Now that I am performing and playing for myself- I enjoy it again most of the time. On a side note- I'm doing an audition next month, and trying to decide which 20th century concerto to polish up- Khachaturian or Barber first mvt? which is more advanced do you think?
Glad to see you are doing well- loved the blog post.

Cheers!

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