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Why is the perception of us by other people so important to us? What a good question. We often do what other people expect us to do. Worse still, we often do what we *think* other people expect us to do. That gets us into more trouble because we don't please anyone. I think we all have some ego weaknesses and we crave reassurance from other people that we are OK. We are, after all, social beings. I know that doesn't answer your question, but that's all I can think of right now. Me thinks, that is a youthful thing that pretty much goes away with age, though based on how firmly one has the ole feet on the ground in just several ways.

I'm fine in my tux as much as my work-duds with people--always have been.... And because I was socialized very (maybe too) early, frankly my dear--well you get the picture.

When one is an old person, it becomes clear that the one or two people who were really all that over a life-time have already done their bartering with St. Peter, so....

Dress right when you go out, but if you have to run out for a second, then just do it in your boxers. And run. Here's the thing; when the two converge you have a problem. If boxers takes over you're headed toward becoming a hermit or something. If dressing right takes over, then you aren't running out for a second enough, or something. I don't have it completely figured out. I notice that during a practice session, what I expect from myself is a lot more lenient than when I am in front of an audience. I guess being in front of people intensifies not only what you think they expect from you, but also what you expect of yourself. I am not as sad when I do a down bow the wrong way in my practice room as I would be if I were in front of people. But in reality, I wanted that down bow to always be perfect not just when I am in front of people. So, I guess my point is that what we think people expect of us, is actually what we expect of ourselves and once we accomplish our goals, the effect that other people's opinions have on us is not as big of a deal because...we are happy with ourselves. Hope that made atleast one ounce of sense. As a performer, I guess you kind of have to care what people think of your playing, especially if you want to be a regular performer, but I guess what makes a great great is their ability to satisfy their own wants in the practice room and then transfer their perfection to an audience. Once again, jibberish that I hope you understood. Are you doing what you are doing because you want to be doing it or are you doing it because someone else suggested or recommended it?

My answer to the question is: both but depends on what occasions.

Just because you sometimes don’t want other to see certain aspects of your being doesn’t mean your action is always constrained by the view of others; it could simply be something to do with your need for self-expression – it’s about you and what you want to project to the world.

As usual, my unconventional approach to this sort of issue may not work for others but has brought me with certain clarity and internal consistency.

To me, the question should be treated separately:

a) What kind of image of myself I want to present to the world? This consideration is all about my self-expression but not the perceptions of the others. The basic rationale behind is that I don’t know what it is really like for others to perceive and I don’t believe I can generalize it based on my perceived cultural norm, given things are so varied from group to group and we are living in such a diverse society. So when it comes to present myself (especially) physically, I do what I like for the occasion and I kind of leave other people’s perception out of my consideration.

b) What kind of picture I want to contribute to the world and other people? This consideration comes in when I show people my work, to hear my music and even to see my home or garden, and sometimes, me in a characteristic rather than physical way. The chief consideration to it is still not about other people’s perception for the similar reason stated above, but it is more about what I think is worth presenting. If I believe it’s ugly, then it shouldn’t exist. If it’s unsightly to me but does exist, then don’t show people if I can help it. The rationale behind this is that I shouldn’t show the world something I don’t believe that is worth looking at, regardless what other thinks (some may consider something incredibly beautiful while I take to be ugly).

c) What kind of image is required of me to present to achieve a specific goal? This consideration arises when my goal is something beyond the appearance/presentation but the latter is highly conducive to the success or failure of the goal. In such case, my audience’s perception becomes highly relevant so I have to get a reality check to actually figure out what, not merely based on the assumptions, what is likely expected of me.

So, the answer is not either you do what you want or conform to the social norm in everything you do, but it has to be decided on case-by-case basis. While we certainly shouldn’t try to present ourselves simply based our assumption of what other might want to see, but we are not losing our authenticity if we care what we look in the public, rather quite far from it, if we do so for the reason to satisfy our own pleasure and that we don’t bring other people’s perception into picture when we do so. The bottom-line is this, without first having some clear idea the extent to which what our audience like to see, all the considerations of pleasing others are futile, but to understand what particular audience deserve to see what they want to see at a particular moment is really a whole subject to itself.

Cheers.
Yixi

You have asked good questions. These are questions that even geezers like me keep asking on occasion. Human interactions are complicated. Unless you wish to be completely isolated in society, you have to figure out which of the social conventions/rules are important for you to follow and which you can/must avoid following. The easiest way to think of this, perhaps, is in terms of the importance of picking your fights carefully. Unless you are Beethoven, you cannot pick a whole lot of them and remain tied to society (and even he picked a relatively limited number).