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I started out as last stand. Last stand last seat, second violins, in the Finger Lakes Symphony. That same rehearsal I was moved up to last chair first violin, and stayed there for an entire "Season." For me that was a great accomplishment, seeing I was the youngest in the orchestra. Since then I have moved up 3 chairs. There would be no shame in sitting last seat/stand. Because there is only one way to move, up. Greetings,
well, it`s a hell of a lot better than Custer`s last stand.
Cheers,
Buri No, I don't care about sitting last stand, if that's what happens. It would be a privilege for me to make the group, no matter what stand . . . what bugs me is that adults still care and talk about that. I hoped that when people grew up, they would grow out of it. Karen. I agree. And that is one of the reasons I have changed my goals as well. Maybe not because people are meaning to be that way, but the cattiness and politic breed it. The fact is that we have to audition, we play in performance classes for critique, it is a CONSTANT evaluation of your ability against others. And that turns some people obsessive about their own playing, regardless of the fun that made music desireable in the first place. I have not found truly good musicians to off-hand throw nasty remarks in my direction. It is the intermediate ones, who still care about how they appear to the rest of the violin communitiy. It is a cover for insecurity, just like in any other profession.

That said, I have had to remove myself from certain environments because the comments from students really cut. More often they just made me mad, and I was bitter and hurt. I can't make music that way. The musicians who are secure in their profession, job, and aren't trying to get, get, get...they are very nice and encouragin, much like a teacher would be.

I try very hard not to be one of those people who are discouraging, but sometimes even the best-intentions are not taken well when you are trying to help someone.

Sometimes the musician community can be a little like walking into a middle school...all those hormones flying around..

But sometimes it is very very rewarding. I come away from Symphony concerts feeling very UP. Such a great bunch, and very good vibes and feelings of friendship. It is nice to have a group of people who understand what you are all about and who you can interact with within that realm.

I think the comment about last stand would have hurt my feelings, too. Maybe you will audition and get 5th chair or something. It is so hard to tell. Depends on what the audition committee is listening for.

JW

Oh my goodness, what an eye opener reading this was! But it all makes perfect sense. And boy, you have my sympathies, particularly on that "last stand" line. (Very funny reply, Buri!)

I will always be an outsider to the classical music world - always enjoying others play, but then going into my room or my lesson to tootle away at a simple little tune. Fortunately, that's enough for me. And reading what you wrote here reminds me that one of the main reasons I want to continue precisely where I'm at is that there is no agenda attached to it at all. And all the yucky stuff you're describing - well, change it to "writers" and getting novels published and the whole publishing industry in general - and THAT is the reason I sought out playing the violin. To escape the Stuff that clogs my mind and heart. It's art for art's sake. Writing used to be my release until I started seriously marketing it. Guess the same thing can be said for making music, yes? Once you get good enough and/or serious enough, you risk that delicate little flower inside your soul that gets nourished by the pureness of the art. What an irony, when you think of it.

Anyway, enjoyed reading this - thanks for helping me find a little perspective. And hey, maybe it can work in reverse - maybe you should try writing stories when you feel like escaping into "art for art's sake" (although you write so eloquently here, perhaps you are a writer already, in which case you have even more of my sympathies).

Terez
(who hates being told she needs to get a thicker skin b/c the skin I was born with is the skin that allows me to create art in the first place, and its thinness ain't goin' nowhere.)

Actually, I am a writer, but of non-fiction. Professionally I write grants, progress reports, website updates, lecture notes and slides, and write and edit manuscripts. I had a deadline today to turn in an annual report for a grant on single-molecule fluorescence, amyloid fiber formation, and peptide arrays. (Woo-hoo! ;-) I've written fiction, though, and I'm reminded of something I heard once in a fiction writing workshop: "if you try to write in order to pay the rent, you won't be able to do either." That's kind of how I feel about myself and music, too.

When I am able to be objective, I realize that on balance, there really are many more nice, uplifting, supportive people in music than there are nasty ones. It's just that goodwill that takes days or weeks of care to build up can be knocked down in a second by one random thoughtless word or comment. You just have to take a deep breath, wait a few days, and start building again.