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I used Scientific Remote Viewing to determine the wallet is in the posession of someone named Art or Homer, who goes by the nickname Moose. It was Bill. I stalked you and told Bill to do it. Ah, but there were two shady dudes at the gas station. I'm pretty sure the bearded one was you.

Give me my wallet back.

Jim, use your Scientific remote viewing to tell me where I put the keys to my car. Oh man you've fallen off the wagon. I was afraid of that. George took the keys to freak you out and teach you a lesson. This is the way men think. Hide his fishing rod. If I'm wrong, at least he'll be able to relate to you better. And always keep extra car keys in your wallet, um, nevermind. I have only one key because I like to live on the edge.

George has fifteen fishing rods stashed in various places because he likes to be calculated and well-fortified. And the only thing he hides from me is his candy. Not very well, I might add.

The wallet is probably behind the seat of the car again. Too bad you're locked out of it. Where is Emily's unwallet? Is it ununder the front seat of the car? I hope there wasn't much unmoney in there because it's ungone away now. The "bearded one" is one of the Kodiak bears. Linda, you are right, I did it, but through my hench-bear rather than directly. I was too busy watching bald eagles this weekend to go myself. Ah, but my car is always un-locked.

Keys found, wallet still gone.

Poor, poor alibi, Bill. There were eagles everywhere, so your story does not in the least exclude you from guilt. You were thug #2, weren't you? Admit it! You and your grizzly croney.

Give me back my wallet.

*cough* Wallet? I have no idea what you're talking about! *goes and buys a fruit punch snapple with the mysterious $2.50 that sort of suddenly appeared in my pocket* *cough*