Bonny Buckley

A few random blog bites from Shanghai: honestly I’m just not feeling it this year. I know it’s not the greatest idea to operate on feelings alone but when you intuitively know something isn’t right it’s hard not to act on it. I just need to act the best way I can while trying to find out what that is! 

Of course the world keeps turning no matter how I feel; Beethoven symphonies always raise my spirits and I think every one of my students writes positively about Beethoven scherzos when we listen as a class. This is not true for pop music which we also sometimes listen to. 

One student decided to call me Mrs. Broccoli so she could remember my name. I really don’t mind if it helps her remember. Western teachers have just as much trouble remembering Korean names. I’m also frequently called ‘mister’ by mistake, which I also laugh at and ask if I really look like a mister! 

I feel lucky to teach the international language of music but I don’t feel like much of a teacher, which leads me to think what else am I supposed to be doing?! I have a lot of interests and projects outside of teaching. But there are some real advantages to being a teacher, namely enthusiastic, eager and talented young people, total creative freedom, regular hours and regular pay. In my case I even really like my team of teachers and feel supported by the administration. The only problem is me. 

Have you ever had a personal setback that made you question everything you do? When you make some kind of gigantic personal blunder what do you do?  I think string players in general tend to be a sensitive lot. One of the anchors in my life is certainly music, especially chamber music, which I’m extremely grateful for. Outside of work I’ve been playing the Schumann Sonata in d minor for Piano and Violin with a friend who is in residence until late December. 

One of the hardships I have not gotten accustomed to living in Shanghai is the extremely temporary nature of friendships and relationships in general. People live and work here but most international folks are on a temporary assignment. Not only does the physical landscape change in a drastically fast manner, so do most relationships. In the same breath I can say that the pace of life is something of an addiction also—I never feel like I’m living fast enough in the states whereas here it may be too fast. So here I am caught in a tug of war. It is a constant tension on my heart, not only trying to love my family and friends from overseas but just enduring close friends coming and going in a year or half a year’s time. Even our students and staff have a high rate of turnover due to the nature of being an international school. Situations seem to change on a dime.  It has been about 2 years for me here in this position which is comparable to about 10 years on a job in the states.  I just have until June to finish the contract.  Maybe I should take a short leave of absence and go to Dubai with my friend.