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Emily Grossman

47 Uses for Your Metronome

April 26, 2006 at 9:44 AM

1. Self-hypnosis
2. Doggie toy
3. Track repeats
5. Alien communication
7. Fly fishing
11. Nourishing OCD
13. Heart rate monitor
17. Airport hoaxes
19. Deep breathing exercises
23. Countdown on New Year’s
29. Calculating absolute stationary
31. Nagging small children
37. Marching
41. Contacting the dead
43. Retriever training
47. Slave driving
53. Purging puerility
59. Eradicating evil
61. Reiterating redundancy
67. Techno beat
71. Counting sheep
73. Stocking stuffers
79. Fun for the whole Baptist family
83. Fun for the whole Nazi family
89. Silencing objections
97. Courting a shorebird
101. Stifling rubato
103. Ignoring the phone
107. Instilling fear
109. Synchronized eating
113. Pest extermination
127. Stoning the wicked
131. Brainwashing
137. Playing the theme to “24"
139. Impressing Joshua Bell
149. Counting to 1,319
151. Getting fired from an orchestra
157. Faking a pulse in a hospital
163. Cheating for an audition
167. Picking up hot violin chix
173. Impersonating the microwave
179. Arguing with Toni Furman
181. Improving your SAT’s
191. Beating a dead horse
193. Boring people to death
197. Entertaining Alaskans
199. Pure, unfiltered, 100% organic insanity

From Linda Lerskier
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 11:10 AM
59. Eradicating evil

*cough* I don't like that very much.

From Sydney Menees
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 11:14 AM
You've got many that pertain to v.commers! I'll try using it to impress Alaskans ;-)
From Sydney Menees
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 11:16 AM
Excuse me...entertain Alaskans. Sorry about that, hehe.
From Danielle Gauthier
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 12:31 PM
your counting is like nails on a chalkboard...i'm not ocd...

maybe you should have used your metronome to help you count ths one...or go back to kindergarten.
I prefer the latter. or the ladder.

From Tom Holzman
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 3:03 PM
Emily - I think maybe you have been living in Alaska for too long.
From Wanda Jenkins
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 3:11 PM
Emily at her prime!

211. Counting...

From Laurie Niles
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 5:47 PM
A few Christmases ago I asked my parents to get me nothing but a large, triangular wooden Whittner metronome, one with a nice pendulum to watch. I cost something like a million dollars.

I have two others, a Dr. Beat (with dead batteries, but it can go up to something like 330 beats a second) and then an old Tempus that I can stuff in my case -- it gives a nice loud tick with a red light.

I love old-fashioned one best, though. Rhythm needs motion, yes?

Thank you for this list, Emily. Now that I don't have to practice excerpts, I will be looking at all these other uses for my metronomic machinery...

From Keith Laurie
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 7:53 PM
How about 223: Tormenting cats ?
From Emily Grossman
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 10:10 PM
Sydney, you are entertaining enough as it is!

Danielle, the numbers are good. You can relax now, I promise.

Laurie, I do hope your audition went well. I bet you're relieved.

Wanda, #233 ...gnitnuoC

Tom, you're right. 7 years is too long. 6 would have been perfect. Now I must stay for 28. That will be perfect, too. :)

Keith, I don't have a cat, so I haven't gotten to try that out. I don't know if it's morally acceptable to buy a cat for the primary purpose of torturing.

From Emily Grossman
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 10:26 PM
And Linda,

To truly be great, one must overcome at least one nemesis.

From Søren Basbøll
Posted on April 26, 2006 at 11:41 PM
did you ever study the Diffie-Helman function? Very efficient to hide an information.
From Keith Laurie
Posted on April 27, 2006 at 3:12 AM
My cat gets mesmerized watching my mechanical metronome. He sits about 6 inches away and follows each beat with his head. At least this keeps him from chasing after my bow...
From Emily Grossman
Posted on April 27, 2006 at 6:13 AM
Soren, #227 and #229 are currently involved in a Diffie-Hellman encryption process. Shh, it's a secret.
From Kevin Kil
Posted on April 27, 2006 at 1:07 PM
wow.. I better try now :)
From William Yap
Posted on April 27, 2006 at 2:33 PM
Good to see that someone is thinking outside the box, coming up with all these new ways of fully utilising the under-utilised musical equipment.

Tell me, what tempo should I use if I want to communicate with the dead? I'd like to get in touch with Oistrakh!

From Emily Grossman
Posted on April 27, 2006 at 7:10 PM
Your metronome should tell you. Each one is different.
From Pauline Lerner
Posted on April 28, 2006 at 8:09 AM
Emily, I like #61, but you should have listed it several times. Your list is a prime example of creativity.
From Emily Grossman
Posted on April 28, 2006 at 8:48 AM
My very favorite prime is rib.

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