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Emily Grossman

October 7, 2005 at 8:02 AM

Stand back everybody, make way for the professional.

I have a highly specialized skill. I realise I don’t make a salary anywhere near what my skills merit, but my generous nature and overall desire to better humankind overlooks this small incongruence. Every day, I gather students from all over the community into my specialized studio, and I teach them to accomplish an amazing feat:

We count to four.

We count in numerical order, too. On a good day, I can get two of us counting to four at the same time, even synchronized to steady, calculated pulses. It’s complicated stuff; don’t be fooled. At times, I even change the speed at which we count. For further challenge, I like to throw in clapping at regular intervals, often at the same time that we count to four.

Once we’re pretty certain of the pattern, I throw them for a loop: we count to three. Whoa, that number four, they’re certain that it’s still there somewhere, but no. We move right on past the three and back to one. You can fit three quarter notes in, or one quarter note and one half note, or even a dotted half note, but the whole note will never go when we count to three. It’s special.

Counting is a complicated thing, but don’t worry; I’m specialized. I can teach it to people of all ages, and before you know it, you’ll be tapping various patterns as you go, keeping track of several groups of four, and dividing them into groups of eight, and even sixteen.

(I apologize for jumping into such deep concepts with so little elaboration. If it’s confusing, you may just have to come in for a lesson and see for yourself.)

Yes, it’s a bit like a three-ring circus. It’s not for the faint-hearted, mind you. Only those with nerves like a tight-rope walker are able to perform this function in front of a large audience. But you see, this is exactly what I’m trained to cultivate. I’m specialized.

From Carley Anderson
Posted on October 7, 2005 at 10:31 AM
Ha ha ha ha ha...
From Jim W. Miller
Posted on October 7, 2005 at 1:12 PM
I don't know what you're trying to say here, but I'm going back to Laurie's non-crazy post about teaching :P
From Carley Anderson
Posted on October 7, 2005 at 3:35 PM
She's saying that she's been helping people learn to count.
From Danielle Gauthier
Posted on October 7, 2005 at 9:20 PM
Now, this may just be me, but I sense sarcasim...
From Emily Grossman
Posted on October 8, 2005 at 3:28 AM
Perhaps from more than one person? ;)
From Pauline Lerner
Posted on October 8, 2005 at 6:44 AM
Emily, I inderstand you perfectly. Teaching students to count to three is difficult. I think it's because we have two feet, two legs, two arms, etc. I'm insisting that one of my students learn to count to six so she can play jigs. She said, "I guess I'll be glad when I master this, but now it's not appealing." That's pretty smart for a ten year old.
From Jim W. Miller
Posted on October 8, 2005 at 7:02 PM
Might be close to time to break out that famously unused teaching certificate. I hear some people at Soldatna High can count up to 75. If you don't mind a Catholic school, there's always Our Lady of the Brass Monkey.

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