Wind & Sails
May 27, 2012 at 3:34 AMI live in Lincoln, Nebraska, perform with local orchestras, freelance, teach violin out of my home and direct a string camp for a week in the summer. A few years ago I posted that I would be taking an audition for a regional orchestra in Nebraska. The orchestra was one that I had played with for 20 years (and some years as a contracted musician). Unfortunately, I thought that Violinist.com would be a supportive site for me to blog about that experience. I must have come across as naively enthusiastic and a couple of public comments in response to my blog were sarcastic. I was hurt.
As far as how the audition went, I played well but I moved down in my rank in the orchestra. I felt crushed and humiliated. People in the orchestra were perplexed. Now, it is several years later. I am sure that I have had opportunities that would not have come my way if I had kept being hired by that orchestra. I was still driven to improve my playing and keep auditioning so that I could earn back my position. Several months ago I was inspired by a colleague to put together a recital. No matter if that orchestra didn't want to hire me anymore, I was determined to put my strong musical personality and training into my own solo playing as well as into helping my private students to succeed. The wind was in my sails.
Now, I have since learned somethings about why I was not being hired and it had nothing to do with how well I played. I think they are things I can change, at least I hope and will try really hard. It is kind of scary, though because there are still unknowns about how things will turn out. I am glad that I have the truth and that can only make things better for me, but I still feel like I am struggling. All this to say, that I am not as motivated to do my own solo recital even though it would be great to perform. With all the other things that I spend time working on it's hard to stay motivated in a place where 95% of the population does not care that you can play solo Bach or Paganini really well.
Any advice is appreciated. I hope those sarcastic members see this too :)
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