Paul G. on Violinist.com

With the tides...

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:08:13 GMT

& nbsp; & ldquo;He was tired. It was as if he had run a race against his own body, and all the exhaustion of years, which he had refused to acknowledge, had caught him at once and flattened him against the desk top. He felt nothing, except the desire not to move. He did not have the strength to feel - not even to suffer. He had burned everything there was to burn within him; he had scattered so many sparks to start so many things-and he wondered whether someone could give him now the spark he needed, now when he felt unable ever to rise again. He asked himself who had started him and kept him going. Then he raised his head. Slowly, with the greatest effort of his life, he made his body rise until he was able to sit upright with only one hand pressed to the desk and a trembling arm to support him. He never asked that question again. & nbsp; & mdash;
Atlas Shrugged, pg. 36 - Ayn Rand

I have turned this quote over and over in my mind considering its literary beauty and its philosophical meaning.

I have experienced many things in my time away from here... Utmost happiness, love, depression and heartbreak along with the immense and small feelings brought along with each. People, situations and events which took place on the largest and most minuscule of levels seemed to have the same effect on me. For a certain period of time
I felt lost and almost floating and lost without a way out, but music was the ray of sunshine in the dark that I & nbsp;needed to release me. These feelings and situations will come to me throughout my life but deep down I & nbsp;know that they will return to where they came from & nbsp; just as the sea claims the things it gives.
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I tried to keep this one short and & nbsp; consider it my return to violinist.com :) I'll spend the next few days trying to read through some peoples' blogs and get caught-up, I'm excited to read the writing of those whom I used to & nbsp; quite frequently :) & nbsp;

Album Reviews: Tchaikovsky, Bach, and Vaughan Williams/Taverner

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 01:08:59 GMT

If you remember, back in December I wrote reviews for a number of albums. Now, I've reviewed some more.

& nbsp;The Bach Concertos & nbsp;by Julia Fischer were released near the end of January, and what a good thing for me to spend some of my Holiday money on it was. This was the first recording of Fischer that I have ever purchased- it was an excellent way for me to be introduced to her playing!

The first concerto on the album is the all-too-famous Concerto for 2 Violins. The tempo of the first movement is very & nbsp;fast and kept up to beat the whole time. The rhythms of the third are very mind throwing if you're not familiar with the double concerto; it produces a very nice, yet somewhat unsettling effect.

The Concerto No.1 in A minor is one of my favorites out of all the Bach concertos. Fischer's tempo is very refined, while & quot;taking it as fast as possible & quot; in the opening movement. The second is very dragging, slow and almost sleeping. The third movement's tempo gives the idea of & ldquo;rolling & rdquo;.

The Concerto for Violin and Oboe in C minor is now one of my favorite Bach violin concertos, thanks to Fischer. The oboe and violin blend so well, only differentiating a few times. I really like the colors painted with the music. It's almost hypnotic in the first movement. The oboe and violin tangoing with each other as well as the orchestra.

Julia Fischer and the Academy of & nbsp;St. & nbsp;Martin in the Fields brought to me the Bach violin concertos in a new light. I hope this recording will do the same for you. The album can be purchased here, or on iTunes.

_____________________________________________________________________________

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Nicola Benedetti released her album of Vaughan Williams and Tavener in late March 2008. I have to admit, I originally only bought this album for The Lark Ascending! But, I'm glad I still got the whole album. The Lark Ascending is obviously the heart of the album. Her interpretation is so strong; it shot to the top out of all recordings of this piece & nbsp;I've heard. Benedetti paid such close attention to rhythm and tempo, that it's a mind blowing combination with the dynamics. The orchestra she chose & nbsp;to work with was so good to her! The dynamics of the orchestra in the multiple climaxes that this piece has are overwhelming. All in all, one of the freshest, most amazing interpretations of this piece available.

& nbsp;

Song for Athene is an interesting piece of modern music. It's very relaxed and slow. The piece rotates around a very common theme.

Dhyana is a very unique piece. It has a wide range of qualities. With both the Song for Athene and Dhyana, it is very clear that Benedetti is able to create a picture with her sound. The music is just so eerie.

The Lalishri Introduction and Cycle are such & quot;entailing & quot; pieces. By that, I mean that you don't really know what is going to come next when listening to them. Lalishri has four cycles, and the whole set of them are very challenging to the way I look at music. I don't really know how to put what I feel when listening to them, into words. This is a major fault on my behalf. All I can say is that these pieces by Tavener are an educating way to become introduced to what modern classical music is becoming- very interesting. It can be purchased here, where you can listen to samples as well as on iTunes.

& nbsp; & nbsp;

I & rsquo;m sure many of you have had the experience of waiting eagerly for an album to be released. That & rsquo;s what the past months since seeing the preview of Jansen & rsquo;s Tchaikovsky recording have been like for me. When I first discovered Tchaikovsky & rsquo;s music, I developed a deep connection with it immediately. It was unlike any other music to me. The emotion that lay beneath it and the life of Tchaikovsky himself gave qualities to his music which made it even more of a powerful connection for me. I very much think Jansen shares this understanding of Tchaikovsky & rsquo;s music that I do, and it & rsquo;s very apparent in her playing. I & rsquo;ve listened to so many recordings of this piece, yet this is my favorite. The magic of the orchestra, the energy of the conductor, and of course this exceptional violinist made the recording amazing.

& nbsp;

The recording opens with the Concerto in D. With the opening of the concerto, you begin to grasp the level of excellence that this orchestra has. Jansen chose to work with the Mahler Chamber Orchestra and the choice was very wise on her part. This orchestra is among the best and the relationships within the orchestra are amazing, which I had the chance to see in the Notes Of A Recording DVD. The first movement of the concerto is explosive. The first movement in a whole is amazing, yet the cadenza is very special to me. Jansen is very artistic with her cadenzas and I think it really shows up in the Tchaikovsky & rsquo;s cadenza. The second movement, Canzonetta is kept to a crawling pace and the theme kept to a subtle mood of sorrow transferred from Tchaikovsky himself into the piece. It & rsquo;s a very heart-touching piece to listen to. The third movement is indescribable. It & rsquo;s very aggressive yet refined at the same time. The opening is a crashing theme with fast-paced playing that keeps Jansen up there with the best on this movement. Throughout the rest of the movement there are interluding solos between the solo violinist and members of the orchestra. This movement has many feelings in it that can be felt.

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Also included is the Souvenir D & rsquo;un Lieu Cher. The Souvenir is a very unique piece. The second movement, Scherzo with its fast paced virtuosity is just incredible. I think it somewhat resembles the third movement of the Concerto. If you pay close enough attention, you & rsquo;ll be able to pick up on the qualities that this movement has resembling the third movement of the concerto. The final movement of the Souvenir, Melodie is a piece showing Tchaikovsky & rsquo;s happier times. This piece show cases Jansen & rsquo;s amazing vibrato. This album is available here, and of course on iTunes. & nbsp;

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These are the beginnings of many album reviews I hope to do and I hope they give you an insight of what to expect from albums from these artists.

May it all fall, yet don't forget to breathe

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:01:28 GMT

Have you ever had one of those weeks, where everything went the exact opposite of what you wanted, things one after another & nbsp;went wrong, yet you still didn & rsquo;t want to interfere or try to stop them?

On Monday of last week, I was gravely struggling with my solo and the Adagio wasn & rsquo;t coming along and I hit a bump that I couldn't get past. So on Monday afternoon I decided to switch to the Sarabande as my back up, and after switching all focus to the Sarabande, I was able to play the Adagio on Tuesday afternoon & hellip; This enforced my feelings toward & ldquo;standing back for the ride and what happens, happens & rdquo;. Tuesday was the night of my solo performance at school & hellip; My nerves were relatively okay, but at the point as to not be too relaxed. As I walked into the room I saw my previous orchestra teacher and was pretty happy because she and I got along quite well and I enjoyed her teaching style even when others of the class wanted to quit because of the & ldquo;pressure & rdquo; she forced on us & mdash;I for one benefited from it and found no pressure. I announced my piece to her, still no nerves. As I put my violin to my shoulder I still was fine. But when I touched the bow to the string it was horrid. I don & rsquo;t want to talk about things beyond that point! It was just an utter disaster and I & rsquo;ll be lucky if I get a 3 for my rating (1 being best, 5 being worst). I'll & nbsp;reveal the rating I recieved in the comments below, when I & nbsp;find out myself.

After Tuesday & rsquo;s events, I thought that there was absolutely no chance for music in my life. But the changes that started months ago are still occurring.

The changes I speak of being my relationship with music. I know that music is a part of me. I know I & rsquo;m supposed to do something with it. I just don & rsquo;t know what that & ldquo;something & rdquo; is yet. When I hear orchestration in a certain manner my heart is moved. The place where my heart is moved may be to sadness, joy, a rush, or a combination of all. I & rsquo;m often moved to the point where the music makes me want to cry, but yet I & rsquo;ve never been brought to tears by a piece of music. I see an underlying message in every piece of music & hellip; It & rsquo;s just there to me.

When I play a certain piece, the feeling I get inside is unreal. My heart almost stops beating, and it & rsquo;s the feeling of being & nbsp;underneath the surface of water, seeing and experiencing amazing things, but not wanting to come up for oxygen. I can & rsquo;t watch movies anymore and pay attention to the plot. For instance, in one of my classes we were watching the movie & ldquo;Radio & rdquo;, and the opening music captivated me so much I couldn & rsquo;t help but close my eyes to take it in.

Today, I sat down at the piano and began playing a deviation of the Moonlight Sonata & rsquo;s first movement & hellip; I & rsquo;ve only heard it a few times, and I & rsquo;ve never seen the sheet music for it. But what I was playing was just somewhat different. I & rsquo;ve never had this happen to me and it & rsquo;s quite odd. & nbsp;Today I decided that I wanted to play Clair de lune (on violin), and I & rsquo;ve known the normal version of it for a while, but I decided I wanted to play it up an octave, and it was no problem for me, I just knew where the notes were and they came out. & nbsp;Things like this keep happening to me and keep me confused about where music will take me.

Those who are truly wise have learned that accepting failure is necessary. Out of everything I & rsquo;ve learned in my short life, the most important thing is to accept & nbsp;it all. & nbsp;Everything that happens to a person is necessary, much can & rsquo;t be prevented and what does happen needs to.

A Shattered Portrait

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 17:23:35 GMT

Yesterday as & nbsp;I & nbsp;sat at the end of my State test (UBSCT), thoughts such as I'm never going to be this young again... Everytime I don't do something that I want, the oppurtunity is gone forever.

If you've been a frequent reader of my blogs, you'll know that I've kept a personal journal for quite a long time. Well, I've decided to adapt that process. Yesterday, in one of my blank leather journals, I started to write my own version of memoirs. I started from the first day that my relationship with & nbsp;music & nbsp;strengthened to a volcanic level. Describing every detail... The smells, sounds, colors of the room. I & nbsp;would share with you the first time that this relationship blossomed, but it's so personal to me and I'm not really ready to share it with a large group of people.

I labeled this new book A Shattered Portrait Reborn. The proccess of beginning to write down my most crisp and intense memories so that I will have them forever, maybe sharing them with others eventually, was such a well-worth-it process. After the first four pages, I felt so relieved that I kept going and by the end of the night I felt so happy to have these strong memories down on paper.

I'm not really sure what I would label it as, but the closest thing that I think of it as is a series of memoirs. & nbsp;Each one somewhat different while still connected. They tell the stories of triumphs & nbsp;and struggles. Times where after an event, I felt the feelings swarming within myself so powerful that playing the violin was the only way to get & nbsp; them out. My connection with Bach and Tchaikovsky's music. That which lay underneath it.

I sat for hours last night, reading through my personal journals. From the first one to the most recent, recalling memories that I will write about soon.

This is just something that I've started doing and thought I'd share with you all. :)

On a sidenote, the novel that I'm reading, almost done with.. On the last ten pages or so.. Is the best that I think I've ever read. It's The Secret Life of & nbsp;Bees and I encourage all of you to read it if you haven't yet done so. It's been one of the only novels that has made me sad & nbsp; when it's end comes.

Tomorrow may never come....

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 23:21:36 GMT

Those words are dangerous. Those words are sobering. & nbsp;Those words are life-changing. Those words are forever burned into my memory.

Before she even spoke her first sentence, a tear began to form. The fluid full of sorrow swarming, waiting to be unleashed. As the tear broke and began to flow down her cheek, it was as if with each droplet, a part of this eternal sadness was released.

& nbsp;

She was a loving parent. & nbsp; Her life was complete. She never thought this would happen to her. She was the mother of Chelsea Smith-Peaslee.

& nbsp;

It all started with one rumor; the creators having no idea what turmoil this would produce. This made her so depressed at school. Her father wanted her to go to her cousin & rsquo;s house for a day or two so she could get her mind off of school. On the night of December 1^st 2007, Chelsea and her cousin snuck out of the house to meet some friends. When they reached the freeway, they were confronted with the fence. They decided to hop it because they wanted to get to the mall faster. As they started across the freeway, Chelsea got scared and tried to go back. She was hit by a drunk driver and killed instantly. Her cousin had to drag the body across the road; screaming, begging for help & hellip; To receive none.

& nbsp;

I think this is one of the most amazing examples of how it takes one small incident, one person, one rumor to disrupt an entire state of being; on the most extreme level, taking a life.

& ldquo;Her friends said she would never do that because her mom would kill her & hellip;but her mom didn & rsquo;t have to kill her because somebody else did & rdquo; she said.

& nbsp;

Today, her mother came to my school to speak. This week being Safety Week & hellip; We & rsquo;ve been encouraged to buckle our seatbelt every single time we get into a car. I now will. It takes an experience like this to make a concept engraved into one & rsquo;s thinking. With each word out of her mouth, a shiver of sadness was shot into my own heart. It takes a lot for a person & rsquo;s words to strike me so deep. I was moved to chills and overwhelmed so much by the emotion flowing out of this woman & rsquo;s mouth as if directly from deep inside her soul. It brings a certain realness to me. The road Chelsea was killed & nbsp;on is & nbsp;one myself and my family have traveled on. The place she was trying to reach is one I & rsquo;ve been to many times. Her school in the same district as mine.

& hellip;Just an experience I had today and thought I & rsquo;d share & hellip;

You can hear silent things on the other side of the everyday world that no one else can

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 16:47:01 GMT

That's a great qoute, isn't it? & nbsp;It's simply out of the novel that I'm currently reading.

It's obvious to all of us, that once you become a musician your life is never the same. You pick up on things others never will notice. You become more sophisticated. You also develop this lifetime relationship with a partner.

Our instrument does so much for us. It becomes a companion in which we find comfort, joy, sadness and pain. An ability to share emotion with the world. Always there never to complain. There for us to create amazing things.

When playing & nbsp;The Lark Ascending, I blend with my violin. I am raised above everything as the melody soars to new heights and lows. & nbsp;Maybe one of the reasons I enjoy this piece so much is because of the symbolism that lay beneath.

In the opening, the lark is taking flight. The main theme, the beat of the lark's wings. As things accelerate, the lark is carried higher and higher until it reaches above. Dancing about the clouds until at the end of the piece, the lark melts into the horizon ever so delicately.

When I play this piece, magical things happen to me. & nbsp;I get chills, and when I reach the most dramatic parts, I & nbsp;lose my breath and my heart seems to stop beating in the moment.

My connection with music is so unlike anything I've ever experienced in life. I love my violin, without it all of me would be gone. What would I turn to for comfort? Where would my motivation lay? What else would I be doing for 2-4 hours every day? & nbsp;What would I dream about? Where would my goals be?

What is your connection with music? Why do you chose to practice so vigorously? What pushes you? What is the most amazing thing that music has ever given to you? I want to know. I think all of our connections with music are so unique that they may never be connected. Though I & nbsp;could be extremely wrong in the sense.

A Day of Smiles Carried with the Wind

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 17:48:09 GMT

As I watched the inauguration confused feelings swelled within me. Flowing like a swarm of bees.

During this whole presidential race, all I & rsquo;ve heard when Obama & rsquo;s name is mentioned is & ldquo;the first & rdquo; or & ldquo;a change in our country is brought with his presence because he & rsquo;s colored & rdquo;. I don & rsquo;t know what to feel when hearing things like that. Yes, he is African American. Does that matter? I feel shame for our country when we still have thoughts like this. I don & rsquo;t look at anyone as colored or non. No one in my eyes is defined as Asian, Black, White, Hispanic. People are people. That is all.

My own thoughts fought in my head over what is mind and what is heart.

I saw so many amazing things this day. Images that shall remain in my heart for ever.

The American Flag seemed to never stop its constant flow; something that almost never happens. The Lincoln Bible tucked to Michelle Obama & rsquo;s body. People who & nbsp;just met, shall & nbsp;remain & nbsp;friends forever. & nbsp;Air and Simple Gifts performed by some of the World & rsquo;s most famous performers.

I saw the most dignified look on Yo-Yo Ma & rsquo;s face as he looked into Perlman & rsquo;s eyes; proud to be an American. I saw how music touches everyone. & nbsp;Ma dancing with his cello. Perlman swaying in the comfort of his violin. Then as cameras changed to a small child, I really appreciated the look in his eyes when he heard the music. He was stuck in a gaze, simply to take in that which is around him.

I then saw the smile on Michelle Obama & rsquo;s face; so proud of her wonderful husband. Emotions only a smile can express.

During his oath, I learned that even the President can get nervous. I learned what an amazing man he is. Someone who would journey all walks of life. He appreciates classical music. He appreciates all history and the importance of it not repeating itself. & nbsp;He appreciates all views. Most importantly, he appreciates me as much as every next American.

With the change of our country, I found change and maturity in myself. As my father saw Itzhak Perlman, he said & ldquo;That & rsquo;s going to be you one day & rdquo;. I shrugged him off with a smirk. But I know that & rsquo;s where I want to be. Playing alongside some of the most important people of my generation. Playing to so many. Obama delivered his feelings and thoughts with words, I deliver mine with music.

I looked into so many people & rsquo;s eyes this day. The things I saw? Fear, trust, and hope. & nbsp; & nbsp;

Au Revoir, Violinist.com

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 15:19:24 GMT

& nbsp;

I have had an excellent time here, enjoying every moment. But I have come to the difficult conclusion that I must cut back on my posts here. I & rsquo;ve started, and commented on too many discussions, and posted too many blogs!

Although my presence here was of no importance, I will remember many of you for a lifetime. I would like to say thank you to Laurie for producing this wonderful website and featuring my blogs. I would like to say thank you to Pauline for commenting on my writings so often, I have really appreciated it, you are an amazing lady. To Buri, for helping me solve problems and further find solutions when asked, as well for all the laughs! To Larisa, who commented so often on things produced by me, and talked to me so much through email those first few days! To Anne-Marie, who shared my views on many things and always took the time to comment on my writings and share her very insightful thoughts. And a general thanks to all of you who have ever commented on discussions I started, asking for help, and for past blogs I & rsquo;ve written. I really will miss you all.

This is not a forever-good bye. I will return, and hopefully very soon. I just feel that a change of pace is needed in things.

You are all amazing people and those in your lives are so lucky to have you! You have truly enriched my life and I & rsquo;m so happy to have met all of you that I have.

With my return, I hope to bring recordings to share with you, and better writings. My leave, like I said will be very short and I will return soon. A break from this place is needed, and that is all.

I wish all of you to have amazing experiences.

Jusqu & rsquo; & agrave; ce que nous nous r & eacute;unissons a nouveau, au revoir Violinist.com

Lost and trying to find myself

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:41:40 GMT

It's a terrible, but necessary thing that every person must do through out their lives. I am going through this now and find myself wondering if this will be a lifetime journey.

I sit here, as I do in almost a ritualistic manner looking out into the world. This time I'm not observing. I am searching.

Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Where will I be in five years? 10? 20?

Within this very spot in my room, so much happens. I sit here to write, pouring my thoughts into paper. I sit here to play , pouring my thoughts into sound. Such & nbsp;a simplistic concept and place continues to produce amazing and complicated things.

Today as I sit, things are differeent. I occasionally gaze out as if looking for answers.

Life constantly throws curveballs, doesn't it?Just as I think I've found what i'm looking for, I get a slap in the face in the form of & quot;No. Not yet. & quot;

I continue down this road of life looking for direction while recieving almost none.

Time continues to fold in on itself. As I peer out, I see much symbolism to match what is happening.The Mail Carrier delivering packages and envelopes as she has for years. Never to learn what contents lay inside. Some that could change or ruin a life- never to learn of what her deliverence brings. The snow melting. Water drips from tree branches and brick. Seeping like tears from a child's eyes. With each droplet something is lost to be forgotten and missed by none. This pattern will be relaced and milled over with time.

Everything changes. Everything moves on.

Yet nothing is left to be as it would without this constant interuption.

This interution shapes that which is, that which has been, and that which will never be.

Monday's Sorrow brings Reflection

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:28:50 GMT

Today was a day of reflection for myself. I am almost half-way through the school year. I feel like time is passing by me so fast, yet it creeps so slowly.

I feel stuck in this state of time; though it's as if I don't want to be torn away from it.

Within this, there is something special.

One day in Summer, a neighbor heard me playing. He stopped what he was doing and stood outside by my window. The sound from this instrument composed of wood and strings brought such pleasure to a person when & nbsp;my bow touched the strings. It was a shocking thing to me. I've never had someone drop everything & nbsp;to just stop and listen.

To this day he visits to stand and listen. In the most undisturbing manor possible. Only to break his silence to say: & quot;Beautiful. Just beautiful, Paul & quot;. And then I usually have to go on telling him I & nbsp;won't give up this & quot;gift & quot; he's so convinced I have. The word & quot;gift & quot; and it's relation to music means a lot of things to me. I feel that the gift of music is not to have extraordinary talent which trumps all other, but rather the ability to play music and share it with others. In some ways, an audience of one is much more than & nbsp;an audience of one thousand.

Touching the heart of one, instead of playing for one thousand and nothing moving not one person is a major difference to me.

With these reflections comes insight into the things I persue and produce. As I practice The Lark Ascending, preparing, waiting for the day I can share it. A conductor on my left and an orchestra behind me are a powerful thing and I await the day that it will happen.

As I continue to work diligently in the manner I almost always do, I'm trying to be more careful, take time, and take in things.