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 May it all fall, yet don't forget to breatheMarch 4, 2009 at 4:01 AM Have you ever had one of those weeks, where everything went the exact opposite of what you wanted, things one after another went wrong, yet you still didn’t want to interfere or try to stop them? On Monday of last week, I was gravely struggling with my solo and the Adagio wasn’t coming along and I hit a bump that I couldn't get past. So on Monday afternoon I decided to switch to the Sarabande as my back up, and after switching all focus to the Sarabande, I was able to play the Adagio on Tuesday afternoon… This enforced my feelings toward “standing back for the ride and what happens, happens”. Tuesday was the night of my solo performance at school… My nerves were relatively okay, but at the point as to not be too relaxed. As I walked into the room I saw my previous orchestra teacher and was pretty happy because she and I got along quite well and I enjoyed her teaching style even when others of the class wanted to quit because of the “pressure” she forced on us—I for one benefited from it and found no pressure. I announced my piece to her, still no nerves. As I put my violin to my shoulder I still was fine. But when I touched the bow to the string it was horrid. I don’t want to talk about things beyond that point! It was just an utter disaster and I’ll be lucky if I get a 3 for my rating (1 being best, 5 being worst). I'll reveal the rating I recieved in the comments below, when I find out myself.
After Tuesday’s events, I thought that there was absolutely no chance for music in my life. But the changes that started months ago are still occurring.
The changes I speak of being my relationship with music. I know that music is a part of me. I know I’m supposed to do something with it. I just don’t know what that “something” is yet. When I hear orchestration in a certain manner my heart is moved. The place where my heart is moved may be to sadness, joy, a rush, or a combination of all. I’m often moved to the point where the music makes me want to cry, but yet I’ve never been brought to tears by a piece of music. I see an underlying message in every piece of music… It’s just there to me.
When I play a certain piece, the feeling I get inside is unreal. My heart almost stops beating, and it’s the feeling of being underneath the surface of water, seeing and experiencing amazing things, but not wanting to come up for oxygen. I can’t watch movies anymore and pay attention to the plot. For instance, in one of my classes we were watching the movie “Radio”, and the opening music captivated me so much I couldn’t help but close my eyes to take it in.
Today, I sat down at the piano and began playing a deviation of the Moonlight Sonata’s first movement… I’ve only heard it a few times, and I’ve never seen the sheet music for it. But what I was playing was just somewhat different. I’ve never had this happen to me and it’s quite odd. Today I decided that I wanted to play Clair de lune (on violin), and I’ve known the normal version of it for a while, but I decided I wanted to play it up an octave, and it was no problem for me, I just knew where the notes were and they came out. Things like this keep happening to me and keep me confused about where music will take me.
Those who are truly wise have learned that accepting failure is necessary. Out of everything I’ve learned in my short life, the most important thing is to accept it all. Everything that happens to a person is necessary, much can’t be prevented and what does happen needs to.
From Tom Holzman
Posted on March 4, 2009 at 4:36 PM I think it was Teddy Roosevelt who said something like: "Show me the person who has never made a mistake, and I will show you someone who has never lived." The same can be said about failure. Our failures in our lives are in many ways as important as our successes. So, good luck. As you have become aware, in important ways, your music transcends both your failures and successes with it. From Anne-Marie Proulx
Posted on March 6, 2009 at 11:10 PM "Everything that happens to a person is necessary..." Hope your right Paul! One of the hardest things in life is when you realize that you did something for nothing. Yes, we offten have the impression to "suffer" for nothing, that all our efforts are destroyed etc! I hope my .... (slash word here) science program will allow me to do what I want in life: a LOT of violin! It's really getting hard. But this is my problem and other people have other problems! Just hope we will all have what we wish dearly one day and that the things we go through now are really necessary! The words of you blog I stated represent really well what I ask to myself each morning when I get out of bed! Welcome back, Anne-Marie This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments. |
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