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 Lost and trying to find myselfJanuary 9, 2009 at 2:41 PM It's a terrible, but necessary thing that every person must do through out their lives. I am going through this now and find myself wondering if this will be a lifetime journey. I sit here, as I do in almost a ritualistic manner looking out into the world. This time I'm not observing. I am searching. Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Where will I be in five years? 10? 20? Within this very spot in my room, so much happens. I sit here to write, pouring my thoughts into paper. I sit here to play , pouring my thoughts into sound. Such a simplistic concept and place continues to produce amazing and complicated things. Today as I sit, things are differeent. I occasionally gaze out as if looking for answers. Life constantly throws curveballs, doesn't it?Just as I think I've found what i'm looking for, I get a slap in the face in the form of "No. Not yet." I continue down this road of life looking for direction while recieving almost none. Time continues to fold in on itself. As I peer out, I see much symbolism to match what is happening.The Mail Carrier delivering packages and envelopes as she has for years. Never to learn what contents lay inside. Some that could change or ruin a life- never to learn of what her deliverence brings. The snow melting. Water drips from tree branches and brick. Seeping like tears from a child's eyes. With each droplet something is lost to be forgotten and missed by none. This pattern will be relaced and milled over with time. Everything changes. Everything moves on. Yet nothing is left to be as it would without this constant interuption. This interution shapes that which is, that which has been, and that which will never be. From Anne-Marie Proulx
Posted on January 10, 2009 at 7:57 PM I had already thought to send a blog on this topic but I didn't because it would have been to pessimist and mean for the yonger ones (0 to about 15) that are steel able to do free choices but it is a fact that when you come towards 20 in age, you go through a very depressing period because you become realistical. Before this, you could do what you want and hope to realize your dream. When you become "realistical", your fear level is always getting higher each day and if you steel aim for your dream (which is very admirable too), you are not as happy as before because this "fear of failiure" is always there. I WISH YOU THE BEST in whatever direction you will go! I am convinced there is always pros and cons to every decision. I mean there is sometimes some surprising things. I recently taught someone her first violin lesson and loved it. As an amateur, I would probably only be good to start people but i know that some amateurs earn a part of their living by teaching to beginners and it must be very fun and rewarding! I personnaly don't have time to do this regularly but I discovered that the professional and amateur road sometimes cross over eachother and whatever you choose, you can do a little of the other one too. I am sure there is a way to integrate violin to many things and this is great! If you are a doctor, play for patients, if you are a scientist, study your violin, if you are an occupational therapist (the choice I am for now because there is many common things in music and this) give a simple instrument to children with coordination problems that need to do a discipline x to have more agility in their hands. My sister saw a show that a guitarist nurse did with his band and was move away by what it did to patients! the tough part is the part in between. If you choose to go in music, you have the failiure fear and if you chose to do something else, you miss so much the numerous practices you did before and are forever nostalgic about the would I have succed question. It once again comes to my pro and cons everywhere theory! I really know what you live and can discuss about this if you want. Even if my personal decision in my life is made, I steel feel like this often so good luck and you will come out stronger of this tought period! Anne-Marie From Pauline Lerner
Posted on January 11, 2009 at 11:49 AM Based on my own experiences, I would discourage you from trying to imagine where you'll be 10 or 20 years from now. Things I never believed could happen did, changing my life in ways that I never would have expected. I'm not advising you to avoid goal setting, just to remember that we can never be sure what lies around the next bend in the road. I hope you are happy with the direction your life takes. Please write to us now and then and let us know what and how you're doing. This entry has been archived and is no longer accepting comments. |
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