November 23, 2008 at 4:55 PM
It brings sadness yet inspiration.
Last night around 7:30, my great grandma, my "granny" Mildred died. When hearing my mom and grandma speak, there wasn't sadness in my grandma Janice's voice. At first it perplexed me, then I understood. She wouldn't have wanted people to be sad. She was always cracking jokes even though her life was gone to her. Her mind had been unkindly taken for the most part because of dimentia. She didn't really know anyone lately and she probably would consider it a blessing to go.
I haven't been sad. Just thinking. I'm going to start to be more appreciative of the things around me and be prepared to lose someone forever out of the blue. I wasn't expecting this.
I am now going to stop to notice and take in things on a deeper level. I will now be much more considerate to people and live life as if it was my last day.
A calm, forgiving mood is set upon our place of living. It is no longer a house, but a home. My brother and I are not fighting. My mom called my dad from work seeking comfort. All is calm. All is simple.
As I am typing this, I am sitting on my window bench looking out to the world. I see leaves falling to the ground in almost slow motion. My chickens prance through the leaves which have already taken their fall. The silly ducks tumble through the grass tripping over eachother, digging through dirt looking for small morsels of food. My dogs whose personalities are bigger than their physical bodies, are sitting in the sun looking proud. My beautiful, confident geese walk proud watching over all, the guardians of this paridise which I call my backyard. Such a simple scene brings such inspiration for words and thoughts.
I sense your family and mine are going through the same set of emotions! Sorry to hear of your family's loss. Death is so very profound (the ultimate layoff...). It brings such wisdom and insight in its wake, though. It sounds like you are able to see that, which is a very cool thing for a teenager to get. I enjoyed reading your thoughts here - they are a fine tribute to your family and the situation.
Paul, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's wonderful that you were able to get to know her for the time you did.
My condolances for your loss. I never met my great-grandmother, and I'm sure I would have enjoyed knowing her. Having known her for as long as you have, you are blessed.
I too experienced an eye opening when my grandfather passed away 2 years ago October. Life is about the journey, not the destination. I think you've had a similar awakening.
Your right Paul, I have always think too that we don't appreciate ennough simple things. And to live like if every day was your last is certainly a good thing too. I have always a tendency to say things such as I suffer now (at school) to have a better futur etc but my mom always say to me that, by thinking this, I wouldn't have been happy in my life if I would die tomorrow... Many of this can apply to violin too, in fact, I don' t think I have ever made my little speech here about finger injuries that can happen so fast (particularly in compulsory volleyball and basketball at school, or work accidents) + some sicknesses that can appear as we get older that affect our coordination and dexterity such as multi sclerosis or perkinson (I have an example of this with my poor grandfather who is no longer able to do is passion: mechanics) . As I will save you from this spech about accidents and diesases that we can develop as we get older, I only want to mention that I consider that being forced to stop playing the violin for such reasons is, in my opinion, almost has bad as passing out... So, we should all play our violin as if it was the last time we did. Please note that I don't wish a hand injury or any kind of sickness to anyone but, sadly, I think we only realize how lucky we were when we ourselves become sick or had an accident.
Just my two cents...
Paul, sorry for your grand grandma but at least, she will always live in your heart and be a new star in the sky...
I can tell from your writing that your great grandma passed away very peacefully,naturally and happy. Not many people can live so long to see four generations and their great grandson. I'm sure she'll still be watching over you.
Thanks for your comments and stories. The funeral is on Tuesday and I just hope I'm not still sick then.
I kind of found myself in music again today, but I'll explain that in another blog...
my grandfather passed away this past week, and his memorial service is also on Tuesday. I know what you are going through. Have you talked to people at school? they can be ones to turn to. that's who i talked to this week, and they were a big help.
I'm sorry to hear that. However, I'm glad you found what helped you cope with it. I would take it much harder if it was one of my grandparents and not a great grandparent. But as bad as it may sound to some, I'm not too sadened by the event... I don't know what will happen with being at the funeral and how I'll feel because I haven't been to one since I was very little and can barely remember it.
I haven't talked to anyone about it, just told 1 or 2 of my friends on the night it happened through txt messages because I haven't been at school because I'm still sick with something.
I am sorry for your loss, and extend my deepest sympathy to you and your family through this difficult time. Have confidence that it will pass in time. As one gets older, the prospect of death is not so unwelcomed, as it is oftentimes looked forward to, particularly if one is not well in physical or mental health. I recently lost a beloved aunt who was suffering from congestive heart failure. She was a fighter through it all, but eventually had to give up and give in. She had lived a long, wonderful life and went very peacefully. Death opens our eyes to other realities that we often overlook, especially at a younger age. But it is a natural part of life itself and one can only hope to be prepared for such a transition and live well, and in faith, while they can. It is true that one appreciates the simpler things of life in light of the reality of death. Death is truly a continuation of life, and it is a wise person who prepares everyday, and every minute of that day for the arrival of it, which can sometimes be swift and never predictable as to when it will arrive.
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