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Pruneless advice for practicing.

March 21, 2008 at 1:36 AM

Greetings,
I strongly recommend you apply the following lessons to your violin practice.

Short Quiz
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional violinst. The questions are NOT that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.


Cheers,
Buri

From Pauline Lerner
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 2:09 AM
How do you fit four elephants into a Volkswagen? Two in the front and two in the rear.
From Jim W. Miller
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 2:33 AM
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
From Stephen Brivati
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 3:28 AM
I just blast the b"#$%%r with my unique shot gun. See point 1...
From Terez Mertes
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 3:47 AM
Buri, oh Buri. What would we do without you here?
From Stephen Brivati
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 4:46 AM
better?
From Stephen Brivati
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 5:30 AM
Greetings,
here`s one for Ray:
An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..."

Cheers,
Buri

From Jim W. Miller
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 10:55 AM
Wow they're lucky to be alive. Funny!
From Terez Mertes
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 1:05 PM
>better?

Constipated, perhaps. Certainly not better.

From Anne Horvath
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 4:14 PM
How do you tell there has been an elephant in the fridge?

There are elephant footprints in the peanut butter.

From Ray Randall
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 5:32 PM
Funny Buri, and almost true. The wind was so strong taking a football team back to Madison Wisconsin I landed on a runway allegedly way too short for the 727. The other runways were dangerous due to the extreme crosswinds. After stopping we had to add power to taxi to the end of the runway even though it was about as long as your short one here. LOL
Someday I'll have to come clean here about flying the major orchestras around the country. Might even name a few names, hee hee.
From Karin Lin
Posted on March 21, 2008 at 5:54 PM
Hahahaha...that was great, Buri. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it. :)

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