November 3, 2010 at 6:59 PM
This weeks has been really interesting and rewarding when it comes to my violin playing. I have a bad case of performance nerves that I am trying my best adress and this week I had to face the giant that my performance nerves are.
On Monday evening I participated in my first masterclass ever. I was unsure whether I´d attend down to the last minute but it proved to be a worthwhile experience. It began with a performance of Shostakovich 1. violin concerto which is without doubt one of the best concertos I have ever heard. Then there was time for performing. A friend of mine kicked in first by performing a movement from Bach E-Major concerto. It was really interesing to listen to the teacher´s comments on her playing. Alas my friend was a bit nervous but I think we all felt a bit relieved that everyone was slightly nervous to perform. It seemed to give the masterclass more ease. I broke in the masterclass with Tchaikovksy Canzonetta and I am quite pleased with my performance although it wasn´t perfect it was really good and I got several compliments afterwards :) The masterclass teacher spent most of the time teaching my vibrato exercises so while there was a whole of squeaking involved it was interesting and I learned a lot.
And I faced the giant of performing infront of an audience and strangely enough I was not all that nervous and managed to get my heart into the performance.
Today I had an important audition and I passed! Obviously my playing wasn´t perfect and there were glitches I am not happy about but the point is I passed and I am pleased with my performance of Tchaikovsky.
I had to face the giant of my performance nerves and although I was a nerve wrack I did it. I played and I passed. I have always taken challanges seriously and I always think that when I get a challenge I defeat it (call it being stubborn) and that I did.
I faced the giant and won. And that´s a good feeling.
The last two months I have needed to take pills to control vertigo . The only side effect is mild depression. To understand all that I found a site for some advice. The best advice was not to dwell on any negative comments. If you do that it becomes a permanent record inside your head dragging you down.24/7. The main point was to think positive and not to replay the negative comments.That seems to make stage fright less of a problem.
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